A simple definition of wisdom is the application of knowledge at the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner. When I officially began work on Winthrop's campus as a part of the RUF staff in 2020, I brought with me a boatload of knowledge, with years of studying and teaching God's word under my belt and a shiny Masters of Arts in Biblical Studies to hang on the wall.
And yet, in the midst of the worldwide upheaval with the Covid-19 pandemic, subsequent lockdown and closures, and its accompanying isolation, anxiety, and depression, I felt like a fish out of water as I sat with 20 year old women trying to sort through their lives. I quickly realized one does not approach the prolonged grief of losing a parent, anger over sexual abuse, or despair from deep loneliness in the same way one might prepare for a lecture on the redemptive-historical timeline, as beautiful and as essential as that great story is. One does not simply explain to a friend the mechanics of reconciliation and expect relational healing to be forthcoming. Though I knew I was not equipped to act as counselor or therapist, I also witnessed how woodenly spouting off the word of truth without considering or understanding both my students' contexts and my own proved to be both unwise and unloving. I failed a lot of times. I still do.
I felt ill-equipped, not possessing the wisdom or experience to show up well. To return again to the title and purpose of this blog, so lovingly and aptly chosen in 2012, I did not have a clue. And yet we are reminded in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." You know I sought to find out, asking the Lord to help me grow and change. This came principally through more knowledge in the form of books (face palm), but also in taking the new knowledge in stride, trying and failing, attending counseling myself, long winding conversations with Mark and friends, and long, prayerful walks alone with the Lord.
What follows is a list of books I've read over the last five years (and a few podcasts). Some came as suggestions from friends, other ministry partners, and my own counselor. Others showed up as I followed rabbit trails down paths, into the woods, around and around in the dark, cycling, circling, and still not understanding. Most are written from a Christian worldview, though some are secular. The ones I found the most compelling are bolded and italicized as always. Collectively, the season of study was massively transformational for me, our marriage, our family, our ministry. I find myself drawn towards different types of books these days, so it felt right to compile the list, though I'm sure I'll add titles to it as the years pass.
Emotional intelligence is a phrase that seems to be on everyone's lips these days. Emotional intelligence cannot be taught, it must be experienced. It's learned through living, messing up, and trying again, through engaging one's story and the stories of others with curiosity and empathy. In so many ways, it's less about what one knows and more about the kind of person one is. These books have been tools on my own journey towards growing in this way, seeking wisdom and ultimately heart transformation in order to love God more and care better for his people. They've slowly helped me grow into the kind of person who is able to apply knowledge at the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner. I still mess up all the time and continue to say the wrong or hurtful thing, or to not say anything when maybe it's appropriate. What's incredible is that included in most of these books is the deep underlying reality of grace, found through repentance and forgiveness. We have hope to try again because of Jesus. Enjoy!
God
* Deeper by Dane Ortlund
* The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller
* Union with Christ by Rankin Wilbourne
Boundaries
* The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
* Boundaries for Your Soul by Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller
* Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud
* Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
* Low Anthropology: The Unlikely Key to a Gracious View of Others (and Yourself) by David Zahl
* Wholeheartedness by Chuck Degroat
* Emotionally Healthy Discipleship by Peter Scazzero
* Play by Stuart Brown
* Bold Love by Dan Allender
* Cry of the Soul by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman
* Redeeming Heartache by Dan B. Allender and Cathy Loerzel
* Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop
* The Lord is My Courage by K. J. Ramsey
* This Too Shall Last by K.J. Ramsey
* A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
* On Getting Out of Bed by Alan Noble
* Made For People by Justin Whitmel Earley
* This is Where You Belong by Melody Warnick
Conflict
* Healing Contentious Relationships by Thomas Parr
* A Gentle Answer by Scott Sauls
* Beautiful People Don't Just Happen by Scott Sauls
* In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon
* The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner
* The Peacemaker by Ken Sande
* The Imperfect Pastor by Zack Eswine
* Lead by Paul David Tripp
* Dare to Lead by Brene Brown
* Atomic Habits by James Clear
* Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung
* Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas
* For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay
* Creativity, Inc by Ed Catmull
Cultural
* Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher
* Can't Even: How Millenials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Petersen
* College Ministry in a Post-Christian Culture by Stephen Lutz
* Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke
* You Are Not Your Own by Alan Noble
Memoirs / Biographies
* Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
* A Tramp for the Lord by Corrie Ten Boom
* From Fear to Freedom by Rose Marie Miller
* Born a Crime by Trevor Noah
* Cheer Up! The Life and Ministry of Jack Miller by Michael A. Graham
* Educated by Tara Westover
* The Contemplative Pastor by Eugene H. Peterson
* A Burning in My Bones by Winn Collier
* L'Abri by Edith Schaeffer
* The Tapestry by Edith Schaeffer
* The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
* We Were Dreamers by Simu Liu
* The Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell
* Where the Children Take Us by Zain E. Asher
* Diary of a Misfit by Casey Parks
* Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri
* Unstoppable: Siggi Wilzig's Astonishing Journey from Auschwitz Survivor and Penniless Immigrant to Wall Street Legend by Joshua M. Greene
* I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
* All My Knotted-Up Life by Beth Moore
* Timothy Keller: His Spiritual and Intellectual Formation by Collin Hansen
* Becoming Elisabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn
* Being Elizabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn
* Paris: The Memoir by Paris Hilton
* Hey, Hun by Emily Lynn Paulson
* Highlight Real by Emily Lynn Paulson
* Open Book by Jessica Simpson
* We are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen
* Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker
* Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar
* How to Stay Married by Harrison Scott Key
* Maid by Stephanie Land
* Class by Stephanie Land
* Women Who Risk by Tom and Joann Doyle
Desire
* The Deepest Place by Curt Thompson
* The Soul of Desire by Curt Thompson
* Desiring God's Will by David G. Benner
* Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans
Writing
* The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr
* The Writing Life by Annie Dilliard
* Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
* Let Me Tell You What I Mean by Joan Didion
* On Writing by Stephen King
Fiction
* On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
* North! Or Be Eaten: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
* The Monster in the Hallows: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
* The Warden and the Wolf King: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
* A Gentlemen in Moscow by Amor Towles
* A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
* Beartown by Fredrik Backman
* Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus
* Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
* Rose Nicolson by Andrew Greig
Uncategorized
* Holy Hunger by Margaret Bullitt-Jonas
* Co-Laborers Co-Heirs edited by Brittany Smith and Doug Serven
* Redeeming Money by Paul David Tripp
* Love Does by Bob Goff
* The God of the Garden by Andrew Peterson
Podcasts
* The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young
* The Allender Center Podcast with Dan Allender
* The Habit Podcast with Jonathan Rogers
* Healthy Gospel Church with David Meredith
* Unlocking Us with Brene Brown
* Good Enough Living with John Cox
* Rise and Fall of Mars Hill with Mark Cosper
