September 24, 2024

Lesson 245: An Emotional Intelligence Booklist

A simple definition of wisdom is the application of knowledge at the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner. When I officially began work on Winthrop's campus as a part of the RUF staff in 2020, I brought with me a boatload of knowledge, with years of studying and teaching God's word under my belt and a shiny Masters of Arts in Biblical Studies to hang on the wall. 

And yet, in the midst of the worldwide upheaval with the Covid-19 pandemic, subsequent lockdown and closures, and its accompanying isolation, anxiety, and depression, I felt like a fish out of water as I sat with 20 year old women trying to sort through their lives. I quickly realized one does not approach the prolonged grief of losing a parent, anger over sexual abuse, or despair from deep loneliness in the same way one might prepare for a lecture on the redemptive-historical timeline, as beautiful and as essential as that great story is. One does not simply explain to a friend the mechanics of reconciliation and expect relational healing to be forthcoming. Though I knew I was not equipped to act as counselor or therapist, I also witnessed how woodenly spouting off the word of truth without considering or understanding both my students' contexts and my own proved to be both unwise and unloving. I failed a lot of times. I still do. 

I felt ill-equipped, not possessing the wisdom or experience to show up well. To return again to the title and purpose of this blog, so lovingly and aptly chosen in 2012, I did not have a clue. And yet we are reminded in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." You know I sought to find out, asking the Lord to help me grow and change. This came principally through more knowledge in the form of books (face palm), but also in taking the new knowledge in stride, trying and failing, attending counseling myself, long winding conversations with Mark and friends, and long, prayerful walks alone with the Lord. 

What follows is a list of books I've read over the last five years (and a few podcasts). Some came as suggestions from friends, other ministry partners, and my own counselor. Others showed up as I followed rabbit trails down paths, into the woods, around and around in the dark, cycling, circling, and still not understanding. Most are written from a Christian worldview, though some are secular. The ones I found the most compelling are bolded and italicized as always. Collectively, the season of study was massively transformational for me, our marriage, our family, our ministry. I find myself drawn towards different types of books these days, so it felt right to compile the list, though I'm sure I'll add titles to it as the years pass. 

Emotional intelligence is a phrase that seems to be on everyone's lips these days. Emotional intelligence cannot be taught, it must be experienced. It's learned through living, messing up, and trying again, through engaging one's story and the stories of others with curiosity and empathy. In so many ways, it's less about what one knows and more about the kind of person one is. These books have been tools on my own journey towards growing in this way, seeking wisdom and ultimately heart transformation in order to love God more and care better for his people. They've slowly helped me grow into the kind of person who is able to apply knowledge at the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner. I still mess up all the time and continue to say the wrong or hurtful thing, or to not say anything when maybe it's appropriate. What's incredible is that included in most of these books is the deep underlying reality of grace, found through repentance and forgiveness. We have hope to try again because of Jesus. Enjoy! 


God

* Extravagant Grace by Barbara R. Duguid

* Broken and Beloved by Sammy Rhodes

* Awe by Paul David Tripp 

* In His Image by Jen Wilkin

* Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund

* Deeper by Dane Ortlund

* The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller

* Union with Christ by Rankin Wilbourne


Boundaries

* The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer 

* Boundaries for Your Soul by Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller

* Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud 

* Try Softer by Aundi Kolber 

* Low Anthropology: The Unlikely Key to a Gracious View of Others (and Yourself) by David Zahl

* Wholeheartedness by Chuck Degroat


Emotions

* Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

* Emotionally Healthy Discipleship by Peter Scazzero

* Untangling Emotions by J. Alasdair Groves and Winston T. Smith

* The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown 

* Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown 

* Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 

* Rising Strong by Brene Brown

* Play by Stuart Brown 

* Bold Love by Dan Allender

* Cry of the Soul by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman 

* Redeeming Heartache by Dan B. Allender and Cathy Loerzel

* Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop

* The Lord is My Courage by K. J. Ramsey

* This Too Shall Last by K.J. Ramsey 

* A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

* On Getting Out of Bed by Alan Noble


Relationships

* Side by Side by Ed Welch

* The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner

* Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Timothy S. Lane & Paul David Tripp (reread)

* Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy

* The Search to Belong by Joseph R. Myers 

* Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover

* Friendish by Kelly Needham 

* The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

* She Deserves Better by Sheila Wray Gregoire 

* Made For People by Justin Whitmel Earley

* This is Where You Belong by Melody Warnick 


Conflict

* Healing Contentious Relationships by Thomas Parr

* A Gentle Answer by Scott Sauls 

* Beautiful People Don't Just Happen by Scott Sauls

* In Sheep's Clothing by George K. Simon

* The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner

* The Peacemaker by Ken Sande

* Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns

* Forgive by Tim Keller 


Leadership / Parenting

* What is a Girl Worth? by Rachel Denhollander 

* Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg

* Integrity by Henry Cloud

* Leading with a Limp by Dan B. Allender

* Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church by Michael J. Kruger

* The Imperfect Pastor by Zack Eswine

* Lead by Paul David Tripp 

* Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

* Atomic Habits by James Clear

* Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung

* Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas

* For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

* Creativity, Inc by Ed Catmull 


Cultural

* Talking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy Welcher

* Can't Even: How Millenials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Petersen 

* College Ministry in a Post-Christian Culture by Stephen Lutz

* Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke

* You Are Not Your Own by Alan Noble 

* The Great Dechurching by Jim Davis and Michael Graham 


Memoirs / Biographies

* Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

* A Tramp for the Lord by Corrie Ten Boom 

* From Fear to Freedom by Rose Marie Miller

* Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

* Cheer Up! The Life and Ministry of Jack Miller by Michael A. Graham

* Educated by Tara Westover

* The Contemplative Pastor by Eugene H. Peterson

* A Burning in My Bones by Winn Collier

* L'Abri by Edith Schaeffer

* The Tapestry by Edith Schaeffer

* The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

* We Were Dreamers by Simu Liu  

* The Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell

* Where the Children Take Us by Zain E. Asher

* Diary of a Misfit by Casey Parks

* Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri   

* Unstoppable: Siggi Wilzig's Astonishing Journey from Auschwitz Survivor and Penniless Immigrant to Wall Street Legend by Joshua M. Greene

* I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

* All My Knotted-Up Life by Beth Moore  

* Timothy Keller: His Spiritual and Intellectual Formation by Collin Hansen 

* Becoming Elisabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn

* Being Elizabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn

* Paris: The Memoir by Paris Hilton

* Hey, Hun by Emily Lynn Paulson 

* Highlight Real by Emily Lynn Paulson

* Open Book by Jessica Simpson

* We are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen

* Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker 

* Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar

* How to Stay Married by Harrison Scott Key

* Maid by Stephanie Land

* Class by Stephanie Land

* Women Who Risk by Tom and Joann Doyle


Desire 

* The Deepest Place by Curt Thompson 

* The Soul of Desire by Curt Thompson

* Desiring God's Will by David G. Benner

* Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans


Writing

* The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr

* The Writing Life by Annie Dilliard

* Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

* Let Me Tell You What I Mean by Joan Didion 

* On Writing by Stephen King 


Fiction

* On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

* North! Or Be Eaten: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson

* The Monster in the Hallows: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson 

* The Warden and the Wolf King: Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson 

* A Gentlemen in Moscow by Amor Towles

* A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

* Beartown by Fredrik Backman

* Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

* Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver 

* Rose Nicolson by Andrew Greig 


Uncategorized

* Holy Hunger by Margaret Bullitt-Jonas 

* Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson

* Co-Laborers Co-Heirs edited by Brittany Smith and Doug Serven

* Redeeming Money by Paul David Tripp

* Love Does by Bob Goff

* The God of the Garden by Andrew Peterson


Podcasts

* The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young

* The Allender Center Podcast with Dan Allender 

* The Habit Podcast with Jonathan Rogers

* Healthy Gospel Church with David Meredith

* Unlocking Us with Brene Brown

* Good Enough Living with John Cox

* Rise and Fall of Mars Hill with Mark Cosper




December 30, 2023

Lesson 244: 2023 Book List

Hi friends! Here is the Book List for 2023. 

2023 was the year of the memoir, or maybe a continuation from last year? While all stories have value, my top picks were Paris Hilton's and Beth Moore's. Though The Lord is My Courage isn't technically a memoir, it contains lots of the author's personal story. Well worth the read! Maybe my top Christian book of the year?! 

Books about the process of writing made a strong showing towards the middle of the year, including my favorite by Mary Karr, The Art of the Memoir. The end of the year had me down a rabbit hole of stories of gals who've given up alcohol. Not sure I have a top pick in that category. 

In terms of novels, I finally picked up Fredrik Backman. Though slow going, he eventually turns the knife at just the right time, and there I sit, ugly crying. Just so good! 

I began the year with The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles, author of my all-time favorite book, A Gentleman in Moscow. Loved it! Read it! I also raced through Lessons in Chemistry over Christmas break, enjoyed the journey, and was sad when it ended. 

Top picks are bolded and italicized as always. Happy reading!


January 

* The Mean$: A Novel by Amy Fusselman

* The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles

* Unstoppable: Siggi Wilzig's Astonishing Journey from Auschwitz Survivor and Penniless Immigrant to Wall Street Legend by Joshua M. Greene 

* Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung (reread)


February

* The Lord is My Courage by K.J. Ramsey

* Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg

* Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier


March

* I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

* American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins

* All My Knotted-Up Life by Beth Moore

* A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

* Timothy Keller: His Spiritual and Intellectual Formation by Collin Hansen


April

* The Search to Belong by Joseph R. Myers

* Becoming Elisabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn


May

* This Too Shall Last by K.J. Ramsey

* Beartown by Fredrik Backman

* The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire

* It All Comes Down to This by Therese Anne Fowler

* The Joy of Home by Ashley Gilbreath

* The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs by Elaine Sciolino


June

* Integrity by Henry Cloud

* Forgive by Tim Keller

* Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

* The Writing Life by Annie Dilliard


July

* The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr


August

* Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott


September

* Paris: The Memoir by Paris Hilton

* Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas

* Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke


October

* A Burning in My Bones by Winn Collier

* Let Me Tell You What I Mean by Joan Didion


November

* On Writing by Stephen King

* Hey, Hun by Emily Lynn Paulson

* Being Elizabeth Elliot by Ellen Vaughn


December

* Highlight Real by Emily Lynn Paulson

* Open Book by Jessica Simpson

* Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

* We Are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen

* A Way of Living by Ralph Lauren 



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