Lesson 2: Blogs are Scary!

               I’ve been feeling a bit like Jerry McGuire these past two days. One night, he has this ah-ha moment, writes a manifesto (concerning sports management), xerox’s copies for his whole company, and that same night sends his message out into the world for people to read and consider. The next morning he wakes and thinks to himself, what have I done? There’s a chance he even swears. Ever since publishing my first blog post on Sunday, I have flip-flopped between excited and terrified at the prospect of continuing with it. I had my ah-ha moment and set it into action, but once I started receiving responses, I realized … this is really out there for people to see!

                I began to question myself on every level. I first considered the people I even briefly referred to in the post. Will this upset them? Then I think of the high school youth group kids or older members in my church. Will this shock them? Finally, I think of people who have memories of really cool times with me. Will this bore them?

                This isn’t where the battle ends. Next comes the questions of how this could affect my family. Will people think differently about Mark if I say something controversial? Is it too impersonal not to include my children’s names? Is it worth the risk to do so on the off chance that someone weird reads it? The internet is slightly creepy these days. How do I find a balance between the closed book of our grandparents’ generation and the “vomit out onto my facebook page every thought that comes into my head” generation of today? How do I let my readers in enough that they can know me enough to relate to me without endangering or embarrassing the aforementioned parties?

                It still doesn’t stop. I start considering the readers again and think, huh, maybe this first post wasn’t half-bad. Oh no, now there are expectations. What if this blog turns out to be completely different than all these people expected and they are totally let down? My thoughts for subject matter range from my appreciation for table linens (this one is already written) to the entire contraception discussion that’s been in the news lately. What if I commit a Jerry McGuire and cross into dangerous territory? Mark asked me if I was trying to be all things to all people. I think this is a Biblical principle, but I couldn’t tell if he was asking as if that was a good goal or a bad goal. More self-questioning.

                The truth is as a conservative Christian, I will never be able to truly please everybody. Most of the time Christians offend a lot of people who disagree with them, because they’ve asserted way too much, but they can never truly please the people who agree with them, because they haven’t said enough. I pity Tim Tebow the day someone asks him his stance on homosexuality. (I'm sure he'll answer gracefully). A million apologies now, for all my shortcomings that are bound to occur.

                All of this leads to debating (internally and occasionally with my husband) exactly what direction this blog needs to take. I’ve come to at least one conclusion. My goal is to not to try and force it to be anything. People may occasionally be bored with my very elementary revelations concerning housework. There is great potential that people will be offended by my reactions to current events. However, all of these various topics are a part of this learning that is going on in my life. I think I’ll call it an awareness, an awareness that the world and especially America has changed since I’ve been in school. These changes are causing me to think and consider. I need to process this and the blog will help. It’s also an awareness that people are competent at running their homes, raising their families, and looking beautiful at the same time. People are considering their health, well-being and finances, and I need to incorporate some of this into my own family’s life.

                I guess this post is being written then as a disclaimer. I will probably not be interesting and inspiring every single time I write. I apologize for the times I bore you or offend you and hope that you will continue to come back even if one particular post causes you disdain. If it becomes a pattern, you are allowed to quit reading altogether. In the end, I hope to achieve a bit of sorting for myself and entertainment for my audience. I also look forward to interaction in the comments area. If ya’ll learn something new or consider a different viewpoint for the first time, then that's an added bonus.

                If you’ve seen Jerry McGuire, you know that his manifesto doesn’t go over so well at the big corporation, and he gets fired. As he’s walking out making bravado claims, he invites everyone in the office to join his new company pointing in the air and saying dramatically, “who’s going with me?”  He receives mostly blank stares, but Renee Zellweger (I forget her character’s name, Dorothy or something) is so inspired by his writing that she says, “I will go with you.” It’s so pathetic as they walk out, but the movie progresses and so does their company and their relationship. It ends with this awesomely powerful and cheesy line when Jerry tells Dorothy (Renee), “you complete me.” Will you ever forget where you were the first time you heard that line? Man, good stuff. The point … he’s got an idea, he goes with it, he gets fired, he finds the love of his love. While I’ve already found mine (LOML), I’m hoping for an ending kind of like that with this blog, even in a metaphorical way.

                I don't mean that I think the blog will complete me. I think I just mean a happy ending.

Lesson Learned: If you are going to broadcast your life to the world, give yourself a whole bunch of caveats at the beginning and proceed with ease. 

P.S. I wrote this post last night and went to bed feeling confident. (You never publish at night). Unfortunately, the second my head hit the pillow, the back and forth began. "What if the Jerry McGuire analogy is totally played out," said one side. "You can't help it if you feel like Jerry McGuire," said the other. In the end, I assured myself that I would add this additional blip in the morning (now) and allowed myself to fall asleep.