As a friend, mentor, parent, it is crucial to be a person who remembers.
What am I talking about?
No, I don't mean remembering birthdays (though that is nice). I don't mean remembering to run errands, to ask about an appointment, or to water the neighbors' plants. I don't mean remembering random facts, or preferences, or humor spots. The remembering I am talking about is much more substantial, weighty, important.
To be a good friend, you must remember what it felt like to be exactly where the person you are speaking with is. You must remember hurt. You must remember loneliness. You must remember confusion. You must remember unhindered love and expectancy. You must remember anticipation and heartbreak. You must remember foolishness. You must remember.
Remembering, allowing yourself reentry into the difficult, into the wonderful, into the emotional roller-coastings, into the joy or pain of your past, enables you to say with confidence, "Yes, friend. I do understand."
On a basic level, the cause of human sorrow breaks down into one of two categories, sin and suffering. People are aching in their hearts, because either they are drowning in the depths of their own sin, they are actively responding to the consequences of another's sin against them, or they are bearing a circumstance in which no blame can be placed, but regardless, the situation is hard and hurtful.
Have you ever beeen confronted with the sting of your own sin?
Have you ever been beaten down and bruised as another has sinned against you?
Have you ever lived through circumstances out of your control, that were difficult?
If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then you have wisdom, love, and guidance to share with another friend. You have a wealth of resources wrapped up in your heart.
But, you must first remember. You must remember how you felt.
Were you scared? Were you angry? Were you ambivalent? Were you overwhelmed? Were you sad?
What helped? What brought healing? What was refreshing? What was draining?
Where did silence fit into your medicine? Where were words useful? What place did physicality play?
In order to be a good friend, you must remember, and you must respond.
Hear what I am not saying. I am not saying compare your own experience one for one and speak as if whatever it was that you survived is entirely correlative.
No. Your experience is not the same. Guaranteed.
However, as mentioned before, human sorrow breaks down into two categories, sin and suffering. On that level, you, as a friend, can relate. And so, proceed to ask yourself the previous questions, but then be the friend who you wanted during your time of need.
Did you want someone to come in and tell you just how they had survived something hard? Of course, not. Did you want someone to one up your heartache story? No. You certainly did not.
What you desired takes a little more effort, a little more work. You wanted a friend, who understood on the base level the depth of your sorrow, your suffering. You wanted them to remember their own experience of such a thing, and you wanted them to translate their experience into positive, constructive help for your current situation.
An example.
I spoke in a previous post about having a miscarriage. My experience with miscarriage was sad. It really was. But, there were circumstances surrounding my miscarriage that made it unique. Therefore, any time a friend has a miscarriage, I do not have a warrant to share my miscarriage story under the guise of understanding, as if whatever I experienced and felt is exactly the same as she is experiencing.
I do, however, have an opportunity to remember what physically occured in my body ... and to ask questions concerning that strangeness of it all. I do have an opportunity to think through my emotions as I saw an ultra-sound picture that contained a sac, but no fetus ... and to ask questions relating to that heartwrenching moment. I can think through the effect that my well-being and the loss of child had on Mark ... and I can press into the way a friend's spouse is coping.
Do you see the distinction?
There is a difference between spouting out your own sad past in light of a tragedy, and learning to press into your own experience to bring forth helpful insight, questioning, and care.
Sometimes this care simply looks like presence. Being present, being there. Sometimes care looks like shedding tears, giving hugs, holding hands, offering smiles. Sometimes care involves words, it incorporates asking questions, repeating fond memories, listening to insignificant details. Care is as varied as people are. And yet, sorrow is a product of either sin or suffering. And so, as a human, as a friend, you can relate.
But first, you must remember.
Lesson Learned: Be thoughtful in the words spoken to a friend during a time of need.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
January 29, 2014
December 27, 2013
Lesson 152: In 2013, I Learned ... LINK-UP PARTY IS ON!
What you'll find here is a collection of posts authored by various writers, reflecting on the lessons they have learned this past year.
The style and content of each writer is unique, so take some time and persue the collection. The hope is that you will learn from their experiences and be inspired by their examples. It is eye-opening to consider how others have spent their last twelve months.
We hope you enjoy exploring these posts, and perhaps, you'll make some friends as well!
Thanks so much for coming by! Now let's party like it's 2013!
http://goo.gl/fuvd4I
July 18, 2013
Lesson 84: A Praise Song and An Ordination
There's a classic Chris Tomlin worship song that was popular during my college days. The lyrics are: "We fall down, we lay our crowns, at the feet of Jesus. The greatness of your mercy and love, at the feet of Jesus. We cry holy, holy, holy, is the Lamb."
I have this great memory of singing this song during a worship service at Urbana, a huge missions conference, in 2006. I remember it carrying so much meaning, because in order to have the "mission" bent, we sang it in Chinese. At the time, Mark and I were dating, but Mark had been in China, serving with a missions organization for five months. I remember feeling like the song was this thoroughly symbolic thing, that Mark and I knew we had to be separated, and it was painful, but it was ultimately a good thing, that the gospel might go forth in China. I had an understanding of the Lord's glory, and I knew that at the end of our lives, whatever we had done or sacrificed for the sake of the gospel, would be given to Jesus. We would desire to give everything we had achieved or earned on earth over to Him, and that there would be no question whether or not a life devoted to serving Him had been worth it.
Urbana was a huge time of "consecration," if you will, of my life to the Lord's service. I thought for sure this meant missions (and it did for a brief time and might again), but regardless of what capacity, I was committed to following Jesus' lead wherever.
A few Sundays ago, the children of our church sang this same song during service, as they had learned it during the week at Vacation Bible School. Their voices were so sweet, and the words so simple. It immediately took me back to Urbana, to a room of mission driven young people, reminded me of my steadfast commitment, and caused me to question ... do I still believe all this?
I mean really. Where has this "commitment" taken me? Seven years forward. Factor in some time in China, Ireland, and Switzerland. Add a marriage, a terrifying disease, two babies, and a seminary degree. Through all of these changes and interesting paths, do I still believe that the Lord is perfectly guiding, protecting, leading, shaping, molding, and using me?
Yes. I do.
It just looks a little different than I expected it to.
I have a feeling this is how it usually works.
It was particularly fitting to consider this most fundamental question on this particular Sunday. You see, right after church, Mark and I loaded the kids in the car and drove to Raleigh to attend the Ordination Service of one of our best friend's from seminary.
It was amazing!
I love ordination services, maybe even more than weddings. It is such a beautiful thing to see a young man, headed into the ministry, surrounded by supporting, loving mentors and elders, commissioned to a distinct calling in the ministry of the church ... and all of it done to the glory of God.
It seems like an ordination service is really the only time a guy in ministry gets singled out. It occurs right at the beginning of his "career", and welp, that's about it as far as recognition is concerned until he dies and gets to meet Jesus.
At this service, we were charged to PRAY diligently for Crawford and Rachel and their daughter. We were called to pray that the Holy Spirit would work powerfully in their own hearts, in their family and through their ministry with RUF at Duke University. I hope that Mark and I will be faithful to do this.
LOVE THEM!
As Mark is studying for his own ordination exams, and I am transitioning into the role of a Pastor's Wife (gasp), I am so grateful that in one day I was reminded that all of our life's work, regardless of failures or successes, will be handed over to the Lord at the end.
We will do this gratefully.
We will see Jesus, and we will be dying to give Him the glory and honor He deserves.
As for now, we are not to seek recognition for ourselves, but are to be the ultimate deflectors. Everything we do and say should point others towards Christ. I pray that this would be a common thread throughout all of our friend's ministries, whether church ministry, RUF, Young Life, mission work, and so on. Whether in Durham, Charlotte or Clover, Milwaukee, Conway, or New Orleans ...
(or Raleigh or Chatanooga or next door to me. Sorry friend, couldn't resist.)
And I pray that we will be faithful to pray for one another, knowing that without the Holy Spirit, everything is done is vain.
Lesson Learned: It is sobering to be reminded again that our lives are not our own. But it is also wonderful.
Congratulations again, Stevener's! We are so happy to be a part of what the Lord has done and is doing in your lives!
I have this great memory of singing this song during a worship service at Urbana, a huge missions conference, in 2006. I remember it carrying so much meaning, because in order to have the "mission" bent, we sang it in Chinese. At the time, Mark and I were dating, but Mark had been in China, serving with a missions organization for five months. I remember feeling like the song was this thoroughly symbolic thing, that Mark and I knew we had to be separated, and it was painful, but it was ultimately a good thing, that the gospel might go forth in China. I had an understanding of the Lord's glory, and I knew that at the end of our lives, whatever we had done or sacrificed for the sake of the gospel, would be given to Jesus. We would desire to give everything we had achieved or earned on earth over to Him, and that there would be no question whether or not a life devoted to serving Him had been worth it.
Urbana was a huge time of "consecration," if you will, of my life to the Lord's service. I thought for sure this meant missions (and it did for a brief time and might again), but regardless of what capacity, I was committed to following Jesus' lead wherever.
A few Sundays ago, the children of our church sang this same song during service, as they had learned it during the week at Vacation Bible School. Their voices were so sweet, and the words so simple. It immediately took me back to Urbana, to a room of mission driven young people, reminded me of my steadfast commitment, and caused me to question ... do I still believe all this?
I mean really. Where has this "commitment" taken me? Seven years forward. Factor in some time in China, Ireland, and Switzerland. Add a marriage, a terrifying disease, two babies, and a seminary degree. Through all of these changes and interesting paths, do I still believe that the Lord is perfectly guiding, protecting, leading, shaping, molding, and using me?
Yes. I do.
It just looks a little different than I expected it to.
I have a feeling this is how it usually works.
It was particularly fitting to consider this most fundamental question on this particular Sunday. You see, right after church, Mark and I loaded the kids in the car and drove to Raleigh to attend the Ordination Service of one of our best friend's from seminary.
It was amazing!
I love ordination services, maybe even more than weddings. It is such a beautiful thing to see a young man, headed into the ministry, surrounded by supporting, loving mentors and elders, commissioned to a distinct calling in the ministry of the church ... and all of it done to the glory of God.
It seems like an ordination service is really the only time a guy in ministry gets singled out. It occurs right at the beginning of his "career", and welp, that's about it as far as recognition is concerned until he dies and gets to meet Jesus.
At this service, we were charged to PRAY diligently for Crawford and Rachel and their daughter. We were called to pray that the Holy Spirit would work powerfully in their own hearts, in their family and through their ministry with RUF at Duke University. I hope that Mark and I will be faithful to do this.
LOVE THEM!
As Mark is studying for his own ordination exams, and I am transitioning into the role of a Pastor's Wife (gasp), I am so grateful that in one day I was reminded that all of our life's work, regardless of failures or successes, will be handed over to the Lord at the end.
We will do this gratefully.
We will see Jesus, and we will be dying to give Him the glory and honor He deserves.
As for now, we are not to seek recognition for ourselves, but are to be the ultimate deflectors. Everything we do and say should point others towards Christ. I pray that this would be a common thread throughout all of our friend's ministries, whether church ministry, RUF, Young Life, mission work, and so on. Whether in Durham, Charlotte or Clover, Milwaukee, Conway, or New Orleans ...
(or Raleigh or Chatanooga or next door to me. Sorry friend, couldn't resist.)
And I pray that we will be faithful to pray for one another, knowing that without the Holy Spirit, everything is done is vain.
Lesson Learned: It is sobering to be reminded again that our lives are not our own. But it is also wonderful.
Congratulations again, Stevener's! We are so happy to be a part of what the Lord has done and is doing in your lives!
February 11, 2013
Lesson 65: The 26.2 Club
26.2 miles.
The first person to run this distance continuously was Pheidippides, who sprinted from the Battle of Marathon all the way to Athens to announce the defeat of the Persians. Allegedly, after proclaiming, "We won" (in Greek of course), Pheidippides collapsed and died.
The fastest person to ever run this distance is Patrick Makau of Kenya, who completed the feat in just 2:03:38. This is approximately the amount of time it took me to write this blog post. Got to love nap time.
The most recent group of people to run 26.2 miles and gain membership to an elite tier of personhood did so in Phoenix, Arizona on January 20.
This Rock 'n' Roll Arizona Marathon was my first.
My involvement in the RnRAM met every preconceived marathon expectation I have ever had. It required diligent training and meticulous preparation. It necessitated strong mental readiness, a real "can do" attitude. Finally it entailed pre-race discipline including proper nutrition, rest, and hydration.
Also as expected, I collapsed exhausted upon completion and experienced a true sense of pride in my accomplishment!
I can't even imagine how I would have felt had I actually run in the race.
I hope you didn't think that I had run. I don't really run, per se. I jog occasionally around the playground outside and am most likely capable of beating Samara in a race. But, no, I did not run in the race.
I was on a support team.
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See, here I am cheering, as my bff Nikki checks in and receives her number. Excitement was in the air. Uber-fit, hipsters roamed the center, sporting neon gear and drinking water.
I wanted to be all of them!
But, my race day responsibilities lie in a realm outside the pounding of pavement.
Here I am with our team captain, Hayley. Hayley was not a marathon newbie like myself. Both she and her fiance, Brett, were inaugurated into the 26.2 club at a race in Washington D.C. As in, they actually ran 26.2 miles. Thus, she knew exactly what Nikki needed to succeed on this big day: A sign from her hubby, loads of water, a sweat towel, and of course, a cowbell. Because what marathoner does not need the encouragement of a cowbell?
Support teams are very important. All that stuff I said about preparation and so forth was no joke. Hayley had the whole course mapped out, knowing exactly when and where we'd see Nikki run by and what supply exchanges needed to occur.
Let's be frank. Hayley carried the majority of the support team load. My role was essentially support to the support with the additional requirement of being really loud. I am really good at being really loud!
Now, I know all these pictures, plans, and props give the impression that we were a phenomenal support team. Unfortunately, on the first set meet-up point, Nikki's crew gave her cause for concern.
This first trade-off was a big one. She was to give us her vest and one empty water bottle, and we were to provide her with sunglasses and two full water bottles. We were ready. We arrived with time to spare, parked, and headed over to find a clear spot to cheer on our girl!
As we approached the race, my spirit was invigorated by the atmosphere. The band had me dancing, the crowds had me clapping, the sun had me smiling, the wind had my hair blowing. In my mind, I was thinking, "Marathons are the most fun" when out of nowhere we heard, "Hayley. Hayley! HAY---LEY!"
Reason set in, and we quickly realized Nikki was in the process of running past us.
FYI: When these hand-offs occur, the marathoner never stops running. Instead, support team members run alongside, seamlessly making the passes and offering words of encouragement. Also, FYI: I had no intention of assuming this running / encouraging role on the team. I planned to do some sign holding or cowbell ringing, but definitely nothing pertaining to running.
Yet, drastic times called for drastic measures. As Nikki's sungasses were perched on top of my head and knowing she was going to need them to survive the Phoenix sun (not the b-ball team), I sprung into action, franctically ripping them out of my hair, securing her vest with my armpit, and somehow managing to not spill my race day hydration (aka coffee) all over her.
Hayley also reacted instanteously and miraculously completed the rest of the transaction.
The moment was so exhilarating, the speed and drama, so intense.
And then she was gone. Off to run 21 more miles.
As we walked back to the car, we gave ourselves a well-deserved chastisement and vowed to not make the same mistake again.
And apart from one other miss (when we took too long waiting for donuts), I think we completed the race pretty well. At one point, we were able to facetime Nikki's husband, so he could see her run and tell her how amazing she is. We also provided a steady supply of chapstick, water, and high fives.
We were so busy supporting that we had no time to play "Marathon Spotting Bingo." Bummer, right? Every time a chicken clad individual passed me, I experienced a small sense of loss.
Yet, we knew that our first duty was to Nikki, and we proudly cheered her on to the end.
Yes, I'd say we did a pretty good job for our first marathon. It was rough, but we persevered and prevailed. We refused to give in to setbacks, instead learning from past wrongs and coming out on top.
As Nikki crossed the finish line, I wanted to exclaim as Pheidippides did, "We won!"
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I will say though, I was slightly confused about why I didn't receive a medal at the end. See in this picture, Nikki is rockin' a medal with a rockin' desert picture on it, courtesy of RnRAM. She was also given a smoothie, a granola bar, and a Powerade, but there was nothing for Hayley, Brett, and I. It almost felt like the race coordinators didn't even know we existed.
Thankfully, there were some of those 26.2 bumper stickers for sale that all members of this exclusive club possess. I (kind of) deserved one, right?!?
Don't worry all you running purists: I didn't buy one.
Lesson Learned: My best friend is awesome.
(This wasn't really a new lesson. Perhaps it was just reenforcement of something I already knew.)
The first person to run this distance continuously was Pheidippides, who sprinted from the Battle of Marathon all the way to Athens to announce the defeat of the Persians. Allegedly, after proclaiming, "We won" (in Greek of course), Pheidippides collapsed and died.
The fastest person to ever run this distance is Patrick Makau of Kenya, who completed the feat in just 2:03:38. This is approximately the amount of time it took me to write this blog post. Got to love nap time.
The most recent group of people to run 26.2 miles and gain membership to an elite tier of personhood did so in Phoenix, Arizona on January 20.
This Rock 'n' Roll Arizona Marathon was my first.
My involvement in the RnRAM met every preconceived marathon expectation I have ever had. It required diligent training and meticulous preparation. It necessitated strong mental readiness, a real "can do" attitude. Finally it entailed pre-race discipline including proper nutrition, rest, and hydration.
Also as expected, I collapsed exhausted upon completion and experienced a true sense of pride in my accomplishment!
I can't even imagine how I would have felt had I actually run in the race.
I hope you didn't think that I had run. I don't really run, per se. I jog occasionally around the playground outside and am most likely capable of beating Samara in a race. But, no, I did not run in the race.
I was on a support team.
See, here I am cheering, as my bff Nikki checks in and receives her number. Excitement was in the air. Uber-fit, hipsters roamed the center, sporting neon gear and drinking water.
I wanted to be all of them!
But, my race day responsibilities lie in a realm outside the pounding of pavement.
Support teams are very important. All that stuff I said about preparation and so forth was no joke. Hayley had the whole course mapped out, knowing exactly when and where we'd see Nikki run by and what supply exchanges needed to occur.
Let's be frank. Hayley carried the majority of the support team load. My role was essentially support to the support with the additional requirement of being really loud. I am really good at being really loud!
Now, I know all these pictures, plans, and props give the impression that we were a phenomenal support team. Unfortunately, on the first set meet-up point, Nikki's crew gave her cause for concern.
This first trade-off was a big one. She was to give us her vest and one empty water bottle, and we were to provide her with sunglasses and two full water bottles. We were ready. We arrived with time to spare, parked, and headed over to find a clear spot to cheer on our girl!
As we approached the race, my spirit was invigorated by the atmosphere. The band had me dancing, the crowds had me clapping, the sun had me smiling, the wind had my hair blowing. In my mind, I was thinking, "Marathons are the most fun" when out of nowhere we heard, "Hayley. Hayley! HAY---LEY!"
Reason set in, and we quickly realized Nikki was in the process of running past us.
FYI: When these hand-offs occur, the marathoner never stops running. Instead, support team members run alongside, seamlessly making the passes and offering words of encouragement. Also, FYI: I had no intention of assuming this running / encouraging role on the team. I planned to do some sign holding or cowbell ringing, but definitely nothing pertaining to running.
Yet, drastic times called for drastic measures. As Nikki's sungasses were perched on top of my head and knowing she was going to need them to survive the Phoenix sun (not the b-ball team), I sprung into action, franctically ripping them out of my hair, securing her vest with my armpit, and somehow managing to not spill my race day hydration (aka coffee) all over her.
Hayley also reacted instanteously and miraculously completed the rest of the transaction.
The moment was so exhilarating, the speed and drama, so intense.
And then she was gone. Off to run 21 more miles.
As we walked back to the car, we gave ourselves a well-deserved chastisement and vowed to not make the same mistake again.
And apart from one other miss (when we took too long waiting for donuts), I think we completed the race pretty well. At one point, we were able to facetime Nikki's husband, so he could see her run and tell her how amazing she is. We also provided a steady supply of chapstick, water, and high fives.
We were so busy supporting that we had no time to play "Marathon Spotting Bingo." Bummer, right? Every time a chicken clad individual passed me, I experienced a small sense of loss.
Yet, we knew that our first duty was to Nikki, and we proudly cheered her on to the end.
As Nikki crossed the finish line, I wanted to exclaim as Pheidippides did, "We won!"
Thankfully, there were some of those 26.2 bumper stickers for sale that all members of this exclusive club possess. I (kind of) deserved one, right?!?
Lesson Learned: My best friend is awesome.
(This wasn't really a new lesson. Perhaps it was just reenforcement of something I already knew.)
August 31, 2012
Lesson 42: The Van Vlake's ... and The Sovereignty of God (Van Vlake Series)
As you know, Mark and I are in seminary at RTS in Charlotte, and as you know, our dear friends and neighbors have recently moved.
What you may not know is that we met the Van Vlake's at RTS in Charlotte. Marcus was in both Mark and my classes, and Shelly and I attended women's functions together. For a year and half, Marucs was our classmate.
It was at RTS that Marcus recruited Mark to move to Clover. Now, I don't want to say that what Marcus wants, Marcus gets, but ... !!! He would say it was all according to God's will.
We would agree.
Growing our friendship with this family has renewed our sense of perspective as far as seminary is concerned. Though Marcus began as our classmate, in the past year we have seen him graduate with his MDiv, study for and pass all his ordination exams, and become ordained as a minister of the gospel in the PCA. Praise God!
A week ago, he baptized Hudson.
What you may not know is that we met the Van Vlake's at RTS in Charlotte. Marcus was in both Mark and my classes, and Shelly and I attended women's functions together. For a year and half, Marucs was our classmate.
It was at RTS that Marcus recruited Mark to move to Clover. Now, I don't want to say that what Marcus wants, Marcus gets, but ... !!! He would say it was all according to God's will.
We would agree.
Growing our friendship with this family has renewed our sense of perspective as far as seminary is concerned. Though Marcus began as our classmate, in the past year we have seen him graduate with his MDiv, study for and pass all his ordination exams, and become ordained as a minister of the gospel in the PCA. Praise God!
A week ago, he baptized Hudson.
August 29, 2012
Lesson 41: Samara's Best Friend (Van Vlake Series)
Can you picture anything cuter than two little girls, who know six words apiece, hollering back and forth to one another from their front porches in nothing but their diapers?
Well, start with that, but then imagine when the excitement becomes too much that they have no choice but to flee the porches and meet in the middle of the yard to squeal and poke each others' faces a while.
Such was the beginning of the friendship of Samara and Rosie.
Well, start with that, but then imagine when the excitement becomes too much that they have no choice but to flee the porches and meet in the middle of the yard to squeal and poke each others' faces a while.
Such was the beginning of the friendship of Samara and Rosie.
August 28, 2012
Lesson 40: Happy Birthday Marcus Van Vlake! (Van Vlake Series)
Marcus Van Vlake is a guy who likes to have a good time.
I'm talking 4-wheelers, hunting, fishing, frisbee-golf throwing, dancing, high-fiving, the works!
Marcus was away from the property the day this party happened. He denies it ever occurred. He cannot even fathom the idea that a party went on, in his backyard, without him. Clearly, he does not read my blog!
We were all set to celebrate some pretty big birthdays here on the Bethel property this year between Marcus and Mark. Mark is turning to big 30, and Marcus? Well, let's just say the lesson number may or may not be a coincidence.
I'm talking 4-wheelers, hunting, fishing, frisbee-golf throwing, dancing, high-fiving, the works!
Marcus was away from the property the day this party happened. He denies it ever occurred. He cannot even fathom the idea that a party went on, in his backyard, without him. Clearly, he does not read my blog!
We were all set to celebrate some pretty big birthdays here on the Bethel property this year between Marcus and Mark. Mark is turning to big 30, and Marcus? Well, let's just say the lesson number may or may not be a coincidence.
August 27, 2012
Lesson 39: Girls ... This is the Most Important Post You'll Ever Read (Van Vlake Series)
Was it the title that made you click on the link?
I hope so, because what it says is true. This is really important.
If you've been reading for a while (or if you simply read the subtitle to the blog), you should know by now that I am "on a journey from grown-up adolescence into full-fledged adulthood." If you are wondering what that means, read here.
If you are on a similar journey, I sincerely have some of the most important advice you'll ever hear. (I understand this is debatable).
Find a friend, who is a woman, who is TEN years older than you!
I hope so, because what it says is true. This is really important.
If you've been reading for a while (or if you simply read the subtitle to the blog), you should know by now that I am "on a journey from grown-up adolescence into full-fledged adulthood." If you are wondering what that means, read here.
If you are on a similar journey, I sincerely have some of the most important advice you'll ever hear. (I understand this is debatable).
Find a friend, who is a woman, who is TEN years older than you!
August 26, 2012
Lesson 38: Paradise Lost - Introducing the "Van Vlake Series"
"Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters." Dave Matthews Band
When I look out my front porch, this is what I see.
If I turn slightly to the left, I see this ... the home of the world's best neighbors.
Or it was ...
until they moved.
When I look out my front porch, this is what I see.
If I turn slightly to the left, I see this ... the home of the world's best neighbors.
Or it was ...
until they moved.
August 09, 2012
Lesson 26: You Can't Take What, Where?
The folks of my generation learned from Ben Stiller's mistake. "You can't say "bomb" on an airplane."
But what about tape measure?
Have you ever heard that a tape measure is also a potentially dangerous device to take on a flight with you?
The guards at the UAE airport certainly think so. So emphatically do they believe that a tape measure is a flying hazard, that they forced a poor, innocent girl (me) to throw hers into the trash can upon entering their country.
Have you ever had to throw out your tape measure at an airport?
Well, if you have, then I am sure my reaction will come as no surprise to. That's right, I cried my eyes out.
But what about tape measure?
Have you ever heard that a tape measure is also a potentially dangerous device to take on a flight with you?
The guards at the UAE airport certainly think so. So emphatically do they believe that a tape measure is a flying hazard, that they forced a poor, innocent girl (me) to throw hers into the trash can upon entering their country.
Have you ever had to throw out your tape measure at an airport?
Well, if you have, then I am sure my reaction will come as no surprise to. That's right, I cried my eyes out.
June 19, 2012
Lesson 16: My Entrance to Pinterest
I entered the world of Pinterest last summer as finals were ending. My friends at school were raving about this website that gave them all sorts of creative ways to use pallets in home decor. I was intrigued.
After a few days of obsessive pinning, I sort of got over the craze of the site and began to only use it for practical purposes.
And I will say, it has been helpful. For example, I pinned this ...
... and then accomplished this.
However, recently, pinterest has let me down.
Last week Jenni and I threw a baby shower for our friend, Teresa. This is Teresa's second baby (born today: congratulations) since we've all been in seminary. Hence, we have already thrown her a shower. The last one was crazy! Husbands and kids were invited so there were people everywhere, the menu was burgers with every topping and corn on the cob, and activities included a huge game of soccer.
We decided to take a different approach this time. Just girls, no kids, beautiful, classy, calm, sweet. We used Jenni's monogrammed silver and her new dessert china. We subtly leaned towards boy colors. (We were right!)
For a gift, we asked Teresa what she really needed and collected money to buy her the one big thing. Turned out her biggest need was new cloth diapers. Yes, my friends, she is a cloth diaper kind of girl! They worked with the first and so she's sticking with them with the second.
She registered for seven little green diapers. They really are the cutest things ever. However, it's kind of a weird shower if the momma-to-be only gets one present and she already knows what it is.
Thus, I consulted pinterest because I just knew the site would have some ridiculously adorable, creative idea for turning my seven lame diapers into a baby shower sensation.
Boy was I wrong! It was so predictable! There were diaper cakes all over the place and a few diaper wreaths. The only original ideas I saw were a little baby carriage, a tricycle, and a baby all made out of diapers. However, all were constructed using throwaways rather than cloth.
Distraught, I enlisted the help of some very creative friends here in Clover. Real flesh and blood people. Our mission was to turn seven cloth diapers in some unified cute creature that also highlighted the fact that it was made of diapers.
After humming and hawing, a bit of frowning and backtracking ... a light bulb went off ... A CATERPILLAR!
How cute is he?!?!?!
I wish I could give you the play by play of how to make one yourself. I realize that's the standard for a successful post. Unfortunately, I did more of the suggestion making rather than the actual making of him. I can tell you a few things though.
1. Shirley ran one piece of fabric through the whole thing to connect them all.
2. She stuffed the diapers with tissue paper.
3. She used rubber bands to tie various things together ... no pins! You do not want to pick the diapers.
4. The little legs are made out of washcloths and are connected through the diaper legs with pipe cleaners.
5. The feet are baby socks.
6. The eyes are also socks. (I made those.)
7. The tail is little mittens used to keep baby from scratching himself.
8. The antennas are pipe cleaners.
9. She also used glue dots when needed. They work great and do not leave marks.
Other than that you are on your own!
You may be wondering why this post is entitled "My Entrance to pinterest." You may be thinking, "Katherine, you are already on pinterest. How could this be your entrance?"
I have an ulterior motive for posting about this cool caterpillar. The second we thought up the idea, I began dancing around the room saying, "I'm going viral on pinterest. I'm going viral on pinterest."
You see, since starting this blog, I've done some research on how to increase blog viewership. One of the main ways is to have an image or post get circulated around pinterest. Unfortunately, my blog is almost entirely writing. People do not pin and repin long passages of writing.
Ahh, but then came the caterpillar!
Baby shower hosts all over the world need to know that green cloth diapers can become a friendly, little guy like this one, and you are just the people to tell them. If you agree with me that this guy is super cute ... you know what to do!
Lesson Learned: Online creativity is no substitute for real life creativity!
Lesson to be Learned:I would like to add the pin it button to the blog, so if you know how to do that, please let me know! Here's really simple directions to doing it!
After a few days of obsessive pinning, I sort of got over the craze of the site and began to only use it for practical purposes.
And I will say, it has been helpful. For example, I pinned this ...
... and then accomplished this.
Last week Jenni and I threw a baby shower for our friend, Teresa. This is Teresa's second baby (born today: congratulations) since we've all been in seminary. Hence, we have already thrown her a shower. The last one was crazy! Husbands and kids were invited so there were people everywhere, the menu was burgers with every topping and corn on the cob, and activities included a huge game of soccer.
We decided to take a different approach this time. Just girls, no kids, beautiful, classy, calm, sweet. We used Jenni's monogrammed silver and her new dessert china. We subtly leaned towards boy colors. (We were right!)
For a gift, we asked Teresa what she really needed and collected money to buy her the one big thing. Turned out her biggest need was new cloth diapers. Yes, my friends, she is a cloth diaper kind of girl! They worked with the first and so she's sticking with them with the second.
She registered for seven little green diapers. They really are the cutest things ever. However, it's kind of a weird shower if the momma-to-be only gets one present and she already knows what it is.
Thus, I consulted pinterest because I just knew the site would have some ridiculously adorable, creative idea for turning my seven lame diapers into a baby shower sensation.
Boy was I wrong! It was so predictable! There were diaper cakes all over the place and a few diaper wreaths. The only original ideas I saw were a little baby carriage, a tricycle, and a baby all made out of diapers. However, all were constructed using throwaways rather than cloth.
Distraught, I enlisted the help of some very creative friends here in Clover. Real flesh and blood people. Our mission was to turn seven cloth diapers in some unified cute creature that also highlighted the fact that it was made of diapers.
After humming and hawing, a bit of frowning and backtracking ... a light bulb went off ... A CATERPILLAR!
I wish I could give you the play by play of how to make one yourself. I realize that's the standard for a successful post. Unfortunately, I did more of the suggestion making rather than the actual making of him. I can tell you a few things though.
1. Shirley ran one piece of fabric through the whole thing to connect them all.
2. She stuffed the diapers with tissue paper.
3. She used rubber bands to tie various things together ... no pins! You do not want to pick the diapers.
4. The little legs are made out of washcloths and are connected through the diaper legs with pipe cleaners.
5. The feet are baby socks.
6. The eyes are also socks. (I made those.)
7. The tail is little mittens used to keep baby from scratching himself.
8. The antennas are pipe cleaners.
9. She also used glue dots when needed. They work great and do not leave marks.
Other than that you are on your own!
You may be wondering why this post is entitled "My Entrance to pinterest." You may be thinking, "Katherine, you are already on pinterest. How could this be your entrance?"
I have an ulterior motive for posting about this cool caterpillar. The second we thought up the idea, I began dancing around the room saying, "I'm going viral on pinterest. I'm going viral on pinterest."
You see, since starting this blog, I've done some research on how to increase blog viewership. One of the main ways is to have an image or post get circulated around pinterest. Unfortunately, my blog is almost entirely writing. People do not pin and repin long passages of writing.
Ahh, but then came the caterpillar!
Baby shower hosts all over the world need to know that green cloth diapers can become a friendly, little guy like this one, and you are just the people to tell them. If you agree with me that this guy is super cute ... you know what to do!
Lesson Learned: Online creativity is no substitute for real life creativity!
Lesson to be Learned:
May 23, 2012
Lesson 12: A Party for 100
At 22, I had the opportunity to travel to Afghanistan with my dad for 6 weeks. (Another story for another day). While there, I was asked to attend the wedding of a man's daughter who worked at the hospital. I did not know either the bride nor the man, but somehow I found myself in a highly decorated room, filled solely of woman who were clad in the most sparkly, bright colors you could ever imagine. There was choreographed dancing and massive amounts of food. To say I was out of place in my everyday clothes and head covering, not understanding more than 5 words of Dari, is an understatement.
Thankfully, I was approached by a beautiful, energetic girl with long hair, who much to my delight, spoke English. She chatted away about her family, her sister's arranged marriage, and her household duties. She was my age exactly, 22, and I distinctly remember her stating proudly that she could cook and serve a meal for 10 people. For you seasoned dinner hosts out there, this may seem like nothing, but at the time, all I could think was, "I may be able to boil enough noodles for that many people, if I could find a big enough pot." How odd, I don't recall the specifics of the arranged marriage conversation (a foreign concept to me), but I clearly remember the part about her hosting abilities.
Ya'll ... 6 years later ... this past weekend ... I successfully planned a party for and fed 100! Jesus definitely still has me beat with 5,000, but I was psyched!
How to accomplish this? Know the right people! Party planning is all about delegation. Do what you do best and in the areas you lack know-how, find someone who has it.
First, we all know the crown jewel of a pig pickin' (which is what this party was) is ... the pig. If the barbeque is sub-par, honestly, what is the point? That is why if you plan on throwing one, I highly suggest being friends with a person who owns and operates one of these.
Now, you may be thinking, "Katherine, where would one find such a friend?" The answer ... Clover, SC. This particular one-of-a-kind roasting trailer is the property of a guy at our church, whose uncle has a welding business. I don't think that such a person should be too hard for you hunt down. If we can do it, so can you.
Next, every good party needs a good cake. For this, it's beneficial to know a baker, capable of creating delicious, sugary wonders out of her own home. Funny, a sweet woman like this one just described happens to attend our church. She was responsible for this awesome treat! Every single bite of this cake was eaten, including the red graduation cap. Our 7-year-old guest made sure of that! I think I ate Trey's diploma.
.JPG)
(Note also the pictures of folks in graduation attire behind the cake. These are our graduates with their spouses! I unassumingly took pictures of them together that morning at the graduation ceremony and printed them off at Rite Aid on the way home. Fun detail.)
A party supply warehouse is also helpful. I suggest living on the church property as we do. You will then have access to enough tables, chairs, coolers, drink coolers, and corn hole boards to greet and seat everyone.
Also essential, laborers. Carriers, movers, drivers, collectors, planters, diggers, doers. Luckily, I'm married to one of those. In the days leading up the party Mark moved 50 folding chairs, 6 long tables, 3 sets of corn hole boards, 2 colorful rugs, and a partridge in a pear tree. He also mulched the yard, got tons of ice, washed dishes, collected firewood and s'more sticks, made 5 gallons of sweet tea and 3 gallons of pink lemonade, took care of the trashcans, and happily reassured his slightly frantic wife whenever her lists seemed a little too long. Here is the superman in action.
Finally, the last group of necessary people for a successful party are phenomenal guests! We invited six, unconnected, proud families and many good friends. Together we celebrated the completion of seminary in style. The food was delicious, the atmosphere was light, and the weather could not have been more perfect, but the guests are what really set this party apart. Thank you to everyone who made this sweet time possible.
Here at the end, I'd like to list a few ideas that added a little something extra to the party!
1. Corn hole tournament - A good hour was spent diligently drawing out a bracket for 30 teams. This means that 60 people participated, including Andy's 80 year old grandma! These brackets are easily attainable online. Our tennis pro friend kept the games rolling so we could finish before dark, but the tournament was a great way for practical strangers to interact and get to know one another.
2. Picture Decorations = Party Favors - Our group of friends has had three or so years of good times. Behind the main food table, on two strands of twine, I hung pictures representing these times. Naturally, the graduates were featured the most (as it was their party), but I tried to include others as well. People love to see pictures of themselves, and it was a fun little trip down memory lane for us all. At the end of the night, guests were encouraged to take home pictures as a favor!
.JPG)
3. Carport Coziness - The afternoon heat here in South Carolina can be something fierce. Thus, we attempted to spruce up our carport to offer guests a pretty, comfortable, shady seating option! Throughout the course of the evening, this spot was used by at least four different groups of people.
4. Finally, I had fun myself! - When a host looks and acts stressed out, everyone instinctively feels the need to help ... which means guests are then working, not partying! In order to accomplish this,
- Plan, plan, plan! Have as much done the day before the party as possible, so the day of, just last minute details need to be attended to.
- Eat the food (and get yourself a drink). You are always your better self with a full stomach.
- Roll with punches. Everything will not go perfectly. Accept this fact beforehand, and resolve to have a good time regardless.
Party planning is definitely a skill that can be acquired with age and practice. I was raised in the home of a meticulous party planner, having the good fortune of observing seamless parties thrown by my mother. I have continually learned through the numerous parties and showers thrown by my awesome seminary friends and through the miracle working women at my church.
In the end, I think the thing turned out alright. My Afghan friend would have been proud.
Lesson Learned: At a party, more is more. More guests is a bigger tournament and more fun. More food means leftovers. Having leftovers is never a bad thing!
Thankfully, I was approached by a beautiful, energetic girl with long hair, who much to my delight, spoke English. She chatted away about her family, her sister's arranged marriage, and her household duties. She was my age exactly, 22, and I distinctly remember her stating proudly that she could cook and serve a meal for 10 people. For you seasoned dinner hosts out there, this may seem like nothing, but at the time, all I could think was, "I may be able to boil enough noodles for that many people, if I could find a big enough pot." How odd, I don't recall the specifics of the arranged marriage conversation (a foreign concept to me), but I clearly remember the part about her hosting abilities.
Ya'll ... 6 years later ... this past weekend ... I successfully planned a party for and fed 100! Jesus definitely still has me beat with 5,000, but I was psyched!
How to accomplish this? Know the right people! Party planning is all about delegation. Do what you do best and in the areas you lack know-how, find someone who has it.
First, we all know the crown jewel of a pig pickin' (which is what this party was) is ... the pig. If the barbeque is sub-par, honestly, what is the point? That is why if you plan on throwing one, I highly suggest being friends with a person who owns and operates one of these.
Now, you may be thinking, "Katherine, where would one find such a friend?" The answer ... Clover, SC. This particular one-of-a-kind roasting trailer is the property of a guy at our church, whose uncle has a welding business. I don't think that such a person should be too hard for you hunt down. If we can do it, so can you.
Next, every good party needs a good cake. For this, it's beneficial to know a baker, capable of creating delicious, sugary wonders out of her own home. Funny, a sweet woman like this one just described happens to attend our church. She was responsible for this awesome treat! Every single bite of this cake was eaten, including the red graduation cap. Our 7-year-old guest made sure of that! I think I ate Trey's diploma.
.JPG)
A party supply warehouse is also helpful. I suggest living on the church property as we do. You will then have access to enough tables, chairs, coolers, drink coolers, and corn hole boards to greet and seat everyone.
Also essential, laborers. Carriers, movers, drivers, collectors, planters, diggers, doers. Luckily, I'm married to one of those. In the days leading up the party Mark moved 50 folding chairs, 6 long tables, 3 sets of corn hole boards, 2 colorful rugs, and a partridge in a pear tree. He also mulched the yard, got tons of ice, washed dishes, collected firewood and s'more sticks, made 5 gallons of sweet tea and 3 gallons of pink lemonade, took care of the trashcans, and happily reassured his slightly frantic wife whenever her lists seemed a little too long. Here is the superman in action.
Here at the end, I'd like to list a few ideas that added a little something extra to the party!
1. Corn hole tournament - A good hour was spent diligently drawing out a bracket for 30 teams. This means that 60 people participated, including Andy's 80 year old grandma! These brackets are easily attainable online. Our tennis pro friend kept the games rolling so we could finish before dark, but the tournament was a great way for practical strangers to interact and get to know one another.
2. Picture Decorations = Party Favors - Our group of friends has had three or so years of good times. Behind the main food table, on two strands of twine, I hung pictures representing these times. Naturally, the graduates were featured the most (as it was their party), but I tried to include others as well. People love to see pictures of themselves, and it was a fun little trip down memory lane for us all. At the end of the night, guests were encouraged to take home pictures as a favor!
.JPG)
4. Finally, I had fun myself! - When a host looks and acts stressed out, everyone instinctively feels the need to help ... which means guests are then working, not partying! In order to accomplish this,
- Plan, plan, plan! Have as much done the day before the party as possible, so the day of, just last minute details need to be attended to.
- Eat the food (and get yourself a drink). You are always your better self with a full stomach.
- Roll with punches. Everything will not go perfectly. Accept this fact beforehand, and resolve to have a good time regardless.
Party planning is definitely a skill that can be acquired with age and practice. I was raised in the home of a meticulous party planner, having the good fortune of observing seamless parties thrown by my mother. I have continually learned through the numerous parties and showers thrown by my awesome seminary friends and through the miracle working women at my church.
In the end, I think the thing turned out alright. My Afghan friend would have been proud.
Lesson Learned: At a party, more is more. More guests is a bigger tournament and more fun. More food means leftovers. Having leftovers is never a bad thing!
May 03, 2012
Lesson 7: Roses and Thorns
You know the old saying “every rose
has its thorn.” Well, turns out its true. In fact, every rose on
the gigantic rose bush in my front yard has many, many thorns. I know
because I just spent the last hour “dead heading” it and ended up
with minute prickers all over my body. Dead heading is a new term for me
having nothing to do with people who follow around the Grateful Dead
(bad joke, sorry). It's actually pretty self-explanatory. It means,
cutting off the dead flower heads on a bush. The goal is that by doing so, the
plant will actually bloom again and again and again.
This particular rose bush was
inherited when we moved into this house nine months ago, but it is so
absolutely beautiful and smells so deliciously good that it really is
a source of pride for me. Until today, I personally have not actually
done a thing to maintain it (Mark cut it way back last fall), but as
its the biggest and most colorful thing you see when you pull around
the bend to our house, I feel as if it sends a message to guests
about the beauty and good smells (?) that lie within. Thankfully,
it's planted directly next to the place we keep our trashcan, aka
outdoor diaper pail. I digress.
Today the rose bush came to my
attention because we are hosting a graduation party for some of our
seminary friends in two weeks, and as the showpiece of our yard, it
is essential that the rose bush is on the top of its game. The party
is going to be awesome … yard games including frisbee golf,
cornhole, volleyball, kickball, croquet, bocce, you name it, we've
got it! Late night is going to include a sweet fire pit with s'mores
and perhaps a dance party under our Christmas light lit carport! And
for food, what else but a giant smoked pig, southern style! No less
important, the party is marking a really important milestone in our
friends' lives. We are celebrating the completion of years of hard
work and sacrifice. Their graduation from seminary puts them one step
closer to being ordained as ministers of the gospel.
Awesome.
And yet, as the saying goes, even this
rose has its thorn. See, when you graduate from high school, you and
your friends cry a ton, write really emotional messages in each
others' yearbooks, and promise to visit during college. My friends
and I even recorded a video with a short segment of everyone doing
their best talent … on VHS. You think to yourself, I will never
make friends like these again.
Then you get to college and realize,
it is possible and even more so, because now you get to live with
your friends and that in itself means there is a party every night of
the week. So fun, but alas, college cannot last forever and
eventually, that too ends, bringing separation from more friends and the
definite conclusion that you will never make friends like these again. And this is true, for most people. People end up living where
they get a job, and are lucky to have a few good friends close by to
make the awkward transition discussed in my first blog post bearable.
People then get married, have babies, and life phases continually
move various people in and out.
Ya'll … but here's the thing, if you
go to graduate school, especially a small seminary like the one we
do, you can make that group of friends again! Only this time, you
are married. My friend loves to describe seminary by saying it's
like college, only better because you get to live with your
boyfriend! It also has a different dynamic because everyone there is
pursing a goal similar to your own. It is a breeding ground for sweet
friendships (and babies, but that's a different story).
About a year
ago I found myself thinking about the girls I had met at school and
thinking, “wow, I'm really glad my friend Jenni married such a nice
boy.” “It sure is good my friend Rachel has such a sweet husband.
He really is good enough for her.” What's funny about this is that
these girls were already married when I met them. Their husbands had
the prior claim to them, not me. I had actually gotten to a point where I had forgotten that I haven't actually known them my whole life. Still, it is always nice when you
like your friends' husbands.
Back to the rose / thorn thing. Though this party marks an great accomplishment, it also means we
will be saying good-bye to some of our really good friends. We are
proud of them and super excited for what the future holds for each of
them, but honestly, it would be way more fun if that future could be
located in the same city that our future is located in. It's probably
not going to happen.
There's a line from a song that always
comes to mind at times like these, times of reflection over a
specific period of time. “Lately it occurs to me: What a long
strange trip its been.”
I don't plan on drawing conclusions
right now. Conclusions are for when you've gotten to the end of the
matter, but seeing as the next two weeks bring paper deadlines and
finals, the end is not yet here and thus, I don't need to conclude.
Rather, I need to continue to ready our house for the party and
continue to process the way this newest end will bring about new
change … roses and thorns.
Guesses on who sings the song?
Lesson Learned: Gloves are not a bad
idea when pruning rose bushes.
New note: Hi. For some reason, this post continues to generate a fair amount of weekly traffic even though it is very old. I'm curious about how you ended up here. Why did you decide to read this post? Leave a little comment if you wouldn't mind!
Thanks! (Aug. 16, 2012)
New note: Hi. For some reason, this post continues to generate a fair amount of weekly traffic even though it is very old. I'm curious about how you ended up here. Why did you decide to read this post? Leave a little comment if you wouldn't mind!
Thanks! (Aug. 16, 2012)
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