Lesson 169: You Must Remember

As a friend, mentor, parent, it is crucial to be a person who remembers.

What am I talking about?

No, I don't mean remembering birthdays (though that is nice). I don't mean remembering to run errands, to ask about an appointment, or to water the neighbors' plants. I don't mean remembering random facts, or preferences, or humor spots. The remembering I am talking about is much more substantial, weighty, important.

To be a good friend, you must remember what it felt like to be exactly where the person you are speaking with is. You must remember hurt. You must remember loneliness. You must remember confusion. You must remember unhindered love and expectancy. You must remember anticipation and heartbreak.  You must remember foolishness. You must remember.

Remembering, allowing yourself reentry into the difficult, into the wonderful, into the emotional roller-coastings, into the joy or pain of your past, enables you to say with confidence, "Yes, friend. I do understand."

On a basic level, the cause of human sorrow breaks down into one of two categories, sin and suffering. People are aching in their hearts, because either they are drowning in the depths of their own sin, they are actively responding to the consequences of another's sin against them, or they are bearing a circumstance in which no blame can be placed, but regardless, the situation is hard and hurtful.

Have you ever beeen confronted with the sting of your own sin?

Have you ever been beaten down and bruised as another has sinned against you?

Have you ever lived through circumstances out of your control, that were difficult?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then you have wisdom, love, and guidance to share with another friend. You have a wealth of resources wrapped up in your heart.

But, you must first remember. You must remember how you felt.

Were you scared? Were you angry? Were you ambivalent? Were you overwhelmed? Were you sad?

What helped? What brought healing? What was refreshing? What was draining?

Where did silence fit into your medicine? Where were words useful? What place did physicality play?

In order to be a good friend, you must remember, and you must respond.

Hear what I am not saying. I am not saying compare your own experience one for one and speak as if whatever it was that you survived is entirely correlative.

No. Your experience is not the same. Guaranteed.

However, as mentioned before, human sorrow breaks down into two categories, sin and suffering. On that level, you, as a friend, can relate. And so, proceed to ask yourself the previous questions, but then be the friend who you wanted during your time of need.

Did you want someone to come in and tell you just how they had survived something hard? Of course, not. Did you want someone to one up your heartache story? No. You certainly did not.

What you desired takes a little more effort, a little more work. You wanted a friend, who understood on the base level the depth of your sorrow, your suffering. You wanted them to remember their own experience of such a thing, and you wanted them to translate their experience into positive, constructive help for your current situation.

An example.

I spoke in a previous post about having a miscarriage. My experience with miscarriage was sad. It really was. But, there were circumstances surrounding my miscarriage that made it unique. Therefore, any time a friend has a miscarriage, I do not have a warrant to share my miscarriage story under the guise of understanding, as if whatever I experienced and felt is exactly the same as she is experiencing.

I do, however, have an opportunity to remember what physically occured in my body ... and to ask questions concerning that strangeness of it all. I do have an opportunity to think through my emotions as I saw an ultra-sound picture that contained a sac, but no fetus ... and to ask questions relating to that heartwrenching moment.  I can think through the effect that my well-being and the loss of child had on Mark ... and I can press into the way a friend's spouse is coping.

Do you see the distinction?

There is a difference between spouting out your own sad past in light of a tragedy, and learning to press into your own experience to bring forth helpful insight, questioning, and care.

Sometimes this care simply looks like presence. Being present, being there. Sometimes care looks like shedding tears, giving hugs, holding hands, offering smiles. Sometimes care involves words, it incorporates asking questions, repeating fond memories, listening to insignificant details. Care is as varied as people are. And yet, sorrow is a product of either sin or suffering. And so, as a human, as a friend, you can relate.

But first, you must remember.

Lesson Learned: Be thoughtful in the words spoken to a friend during a time of need.

Lesson 165: Our Family Philosophy

I recently visited some friends in the hospital as they joyfully welcomed their new daughter to the world. How fun it was to be present as they began this new chapter as parents! Though both were profoundly pleased with their daughter, the husband reflected, "It's so crazy that we are her parents, but we barely know her. We have to get to know her."

It's true. One day there's a bump in your abdominal area, and the next you are holding a chubby, helpless infant in your arms and being told its yours. Even more incredible, two days later you are sent home with said infant and given the task of loving and caring for it for the remainder of its life.

You become a parent before you have any experience being a parent.

The same is true with marriage. Genesis 2:24 tells us, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." So, one day you are a carefree, single girl, and the next you are someone's wife ... forever.

You become a spouse before you have any experience being married. 

Not only during these life changes do you take on new roles (mother / wife, father / husband), but in this process, you are forming a family!

You become a family right from the start!

Our little family has come together rather quickly. In December Mark and I celebrated five years since our family's birth, and already, we have two little chicks.

As a result, our family "culture" or the way we do things as a family has been all over the place. Clearly, we have always had a desire to direct our family in a way that is honoring to the Lord. But, what does that practically look like?

Our church follows a set of guidelines called the Westminster Confession of Faith. Here the basic tenets of our faith are laid out in an understandable fashion. Though we do not believe that this confession is authoritative in the same way the Bible is, we acknowledge how helpful this summary is for the practical working out of our faith.

In a similar way, I have come to believe that it is helpful for a family to have a loose set of guiding principles or ideals that set the stage for how life is lived. Recently, through blog investigation, reading, and enlightening conversation, I have had a philosophy or way of living impressed upon my heart and fleshed out in Scripture.

Specifically, a verse comes from 1 Thessalonians 4. In this letter, Paul is admonishing the church of Thessalonica to stop worrying so much about the return of the Lord. It seems that in their speculation and expectation of Christ's return, they had grown lazy and stopped working. Paul essentially says, listen, no one knows when it will happen, so get on with your lives. Live as if it could be at any time.

He encourages them to love one another deeply.

Finally, he writes in verse 11, "aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you."

More and more, I have realized how this verse provides an excellent framework for the ordering of one's daily life.

First, love one another. Love your brothers in Christ. Love the church. This is to be a high priority. Caring for and giving to Christ's church has got to be at the forefront of our daily life.

Next, verse 11 suggests quietness, simplicity, and work.

In Genesis 2:15, after God created man, it says, "The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it." Before the fall, while man was still residing in Paradise, he was directed towards work.

This verse also implies a sense of consistency. These are types of attitudes and actions that are to be "typical" of your lives. It is not addressing the rare or exceptional situation. Rather, this is how your "normal" is to look. 

Thus, through making connections concerning all these things, we have sort of centered on our family philosophy.  

We desire to live simple, yet full, quality, consistent lives. 

This philosophy works itself out in a number of ways. Allow me to give you a few examples.

FOOD: We desire to eat healthy, wholesome food. It is good for us to eat, and it is good for us to eat well. It is okay if the food simple, as long as we are receiving the required nutrients. The goal of eating is to live, to have energy, and to enjoy each other's company. We also like for it to taste good.

I could very easily live off of Cheerios and toast. Though Cheerios and toast fit the "simple" criteria, they fail miserably in terms of "fullness" and "quality." It must be both.

Often, if we cook dinner, it will end up being some sort of meat (usually done on the grill), yummy grilled vegetables, and brown rice. When we cook, we usually create a quality, healthy meal.

Yet, finally, there is the matter of consistency. As I discussed here, this is something we have struggled with ... consistently eating full meals. We have given ourselves grace here, due to the craziness of our schedules. However, we are trying. We want to be consistent, and we want to teach our children good eating habits.

CLOTHES: I would love to dress to the trends. Seriously, if I had time, money, and the motivation, I think I could really indulge in fashion. However, with our philosophy of life, I don't think it's really that necessary.

As the life philosophy trickles down into my clothing choices, I am finding that I want to wear simple, comfortable, well-fitting clothes. Note what I did not say! I did not say cheap, inexpensive, or good deals. Part of the idea with this philosophy is that if you purchase quality, simple items, they should be able to last longer and continue to look nice. I think it is totally worth it to pay good money for a classic pair of jeans that will last for years.

HOME DECORATING: I cannot claim to have lived by the simple and less, but quality philosophy for our entire marriage as far as our home is concerned. I love to decorate redecorate! Thus, I am very prone to buy a $10 pillow just to change things once in a while. Honestly, one pillow is probably fine. However, it becomes a problem when the pillow leads to a new rug to new curtains to a new light to a new wall color ... which stimulates the desire for a new throw pillow! If you give a mouse a cookie ... 

After four years, Mark and I have a nice base for our home. Each room is functional and pretty. I think (and hope) that we are now in the upgrading phase. This phase does not happen quickly. It is calculated and intentional.

When we first moved to Charlotte, we bought a couch and oversize chair off craigslist for $200. Even though both were in a great condition, they were originally from IKEA. Thus, we know that we will have to replace them at some point. 

The philosophy works itself out in saying, when we replace them, we do not want to do so with more furniture from IKEA. Rather, we search and research, and hopefully, purchase furniture for the long haul.

 I, as much as anyone, love a good deal! One time I came into seminary raving about how much money I had saved at the Baby Gap, and a professor wisely noted, "yes, but you had to spend to save."

It's true. It is impossible get through life without ever spending any money. The hope is that in recognizing resources as the Lord's provision, we will make our spending choices wisely. We will purchase simple, yet quality items.

If it seems as if all my examples have pertained to ways in which we spend money, you are right. Unfortunately, this blog post has become rather long, and so you'll have to come back to find out how this philosophy works itself out in the management of our time.

For now, I wonder, have you ever considered your family culture? What sort of principles or ideas guide the way in which you live?

Lesson Learned: A family life philosophy can act as an anchor in the sea of life. Especially if the philosophy itself is anchored in the Word of God. 

Lesson 133: A Refuge in Transition

In yesterday's post, we examined some underlying causes of difficulty during times of transition. I highly recommend reading yesterday's post before proceeding with today's. Part one can be found here.
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Psalm 16

1 Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. 

2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

3 As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.

     I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on lips. 

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; 

     surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the LORD always before me. 

     Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,

10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, 

     nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

11 You have made known to me the path of life; 

     you will fill me joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Translation from NIV 84.

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Psalm 16 was written by David, during a time of great transition. He had gone from being a shepherd boy, to a man who stood up for the Lord and defeated Goliath, to a trusted military advisor of the King, to a hunted man on the run. David had proved so excellent in military life that King Saul was jealous and wanted him dead. David is on the run from Saul, and it is during this that he writes this psalm.

Talk about transition!

It is safe to say that within a few years' time, David's roles, responsibilities, relationships, and resources have changed. He is in transition ... and it's a hard one.

As we work through these verses, we will come to find that even in his crazy circumstances, David's heart is full of joy and peace. Why? David has found his refuge, his safety, his hiding place in the Lord.

Today, I would like to offer Psalm 16 to you. My hope is not merely to use this passage as a source of important bullet points, but to give you this psalm as a resource. You see, Psalm 16 is not merely a description of David during a time of transition, but it is his meditation. These are the things that David was thinking about, dwelling on, living in. As we see in v. 7, these truths have penetrated his heart.

So, when you start to feel the crazy coming on, the awkwardness, the fear, I want you to open your Bible and start to work through, think through, pray through Psalm 16. Ok?

Let's dig in.

1 Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. 
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

Keep me safe, O God. Keep me safe! Another translation says, Preserve me. I am scared. I am crying out to you. I cannot keep my head above water. The baby will not stop crying. I have no friends. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Keep me safe!

Why? For in you I take refuge. Lord, you have to keep me safe, because I am resting in you. Why am I resting in you? Because apart from you, I have no good thing. There is absolutely nothing in me that handle this situation apart from you. There is nothing in me that is good enough, strong enough, brave enough, smart enough. Nothing.

And so, I am coming to you, because you are my refuge.

Be my refuge, Lord. Keep me safe.

Isn't this exactly what we want from the Lord during a time of transition? We want safety. We want security. We want to know that we are being taken care of.

Find your security in the Lord.

3 As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.

Here David talks about the difference between God's people and those who follow other gods. He is very explicit. He basically says, those who follow God are glorious and delightful. Those who follow other gods continue to become more miserable. Those who never realize that relationships cannot protect them, those who continue to find their self-worth in their children or in their job, their sorrows will increase!

But, the people of God are glorious and delightful. They are a blessing to one another. In this time of transition, seek out believers and seek out wisdom from believers. Why? Because believers are finding their refuge in God. They are finding their safety and security in the Lord, and they will encourage you to do the same. 

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;

David says that the Lord has assigned what has been given to him, and he calls it delightful and pleasant. I don't know about you, but being on the run from a man who wants to kill me, does not sound delightful or pleasant. But David's refuge is in the Lord, and therefore, he knows the situation assigned to him is good.

The circumstance you are in, your life stage, this awkward transition, has been given to you by the Lord. But the Lord is good, and you will be ok.

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

The Lord himself will guide you through the situation he has brought you to. Where do we receive the Lord's counsel from? Well, from other believers as already mentioned, but most importantly from his Word.

We see here that the Lord is counseling David at night. It's not as if David wakes up in the middle of the night, turns on his light, and begins to read God's word to receive counsel. No, the word of God is already in David's heart!

Proverbs says, "Out of the overflow of your heart, the mouth speaks." Your prayers come from the overflow of your heart. Fill your heart with God's truth! Study God's word and memorize it.

Imagine that you wake up in a cold sweat one night. The crazy starts, the vicious cycle of longings, regrets, fears, longings ... You start to pray, "Oh God, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no." Friends, there is no power in such a prayer!

What if in the same situation, the crazy starts and out of the overflow of your heart comes, "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge!" This prayer immediately brings to mind God's goodness and strength. It reminds you of who God is and how He loves you. Such a prayer has the power to bring your heart to place of peace.

I cannot stress enough, memorize Scripture. Memorize this whole Psalm. If that sounds intimidating, memorize the first verse. Memorize, memorize, memorize. Many of you have fresh minds still. This Scripture will penetrate your heart and come to mind when you need it most. I guarantee that if you are faithful in this, the Lord will be faithful to use His word in your heart. It will not return void!

Verses 8 and 9 tell us some more sweet stuff. David talks about how the Lord guards, and therefore he is not shaken. As a result, David's heart is glad. 

But then, the passage starts to get kind of weird.

9b my body also will rest secure,

10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, 

     nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

What is going on here? Is David acting like he will never die?

Well, no. The apostle Peter quotes Psalm 16 in Acts 2 and then says, "Brothers, I can tell you confidently that the patriarch David died and was buried, and his tomb is here to this day. But he was a prophet and knew that God had promised him on oath that he would place one of his descendants on his throne. Seeing what was ahead, he spoke of the resurrection of the Christ."

Peter tells us that David is looking forward to the resurrection of Jesus. We know that Jesus died on the cross, but did he stay dead? No, he rose from the grave. He came back to life. His body did not see decay.

The Holy One spoken of here is Christ. 

Now, that's all well and good, but what does the resurrection have to do with transition? 

This whole time I have been telling you that God is David's refuge, God is my refuge, God is your refuge. It may not seem all that helpful. 

Here's the thing. The God that Scripture is telling you is your refuge, the God that assigned you this situation, the God that counsels you through it, the God that guards you ... 

THIS GOD DEFEATED DEATH!

What are we most afraid of? Death. Our God defeated it! He conquered it! He won!

This God is your refuge. He is powerful, and he is good. 

And here's what you need to recognize:

If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can certainly walk with you as face the uncertainty of a new life stage.

If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can certainly calm your heart as you juggle multiple work / home roles.

If God can raise Jesus from the dead, then he can certainly sustain you and allow to remain faithful for the next forty years.

This God is our refuge!

I am not saying that reading your Bible is going to change your circumstances or make this time of transition flawless. But, as you grow and mature in your faith, knowledge, and trust of the Lord, transition does get easier. It doesn't hurt quite as bad the next time around, because you've seen how the Lord has been faithful to protect you. So you fear less and trust more.

This continues on and on through life until we reach verse 11. 

 

11 You have made known to me the path of life; 

     you will fill me joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. 

Ultimately, the Lord is guiding us back to Himself. He will keep us safe until we return to Him. This life is temporary. It is passing away, but if you are in Christ, then your eternity is with Him, where we are promised eternal pleasures. It's going to be awesome!

But until then, continue to pray, "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge."

Lesson Learned: The Lord is our refuge. There is no safer place to rest.

Lesson 109: Developing Transferrable Skills (Making Time at Home Matter)

Click, click, click. Move the mouse. Click. Oh, that looks interesting. Click. Hmm, dead end. Back to the beginning.

Click, click. Really?!?! Click. Cool. Back to the beginning.

Click.

Click.

Click.

How much of your day is spent clicking around the internet trying to find something to amuse your mind? Something to look at? Something to read? Something to laugh about?

Be honest.

Probably a lot of time.

Though I have found a surprising sense of purpose since coming home full-time (no more seminary) and though there are lots of productive tasks to accomplish during the day, I still find myself click, click, clicking around the internet.

I don't think all clicking is bad. If you didn't click,you would never read my blog.

Thank you for clicking over here!

But, I have recently been thinking, what else could I be doing with extra time? Or rather, how can I make the time I spend doing my daily activities (including clicking) more valuable?

One suggestion I've recently heard is to spend that time developing transferrable skills.

What is a transferrable skill?

Transferrable skills are skills that serve a variety of purposes in many aspects of life. They are practical and tangible, and the more you have, the more marketable you are as a person.

Examples of transferrable skills include: public speaking, organization, management, interpersonal relationships, efficient budgeting, event planning, presentation, writing, and networking.

It all sounds so business-like, but even as a stay-at-home mom, I (and you) have the opportunity to work on a regular basis in all these areas.

Public speaking: Practice reading your children's bedtime stories well. Effective storytelling is a powerful tool. Take small opportunities as they arise. Introduce a speaker at church or teach a Sunday School class. Consider every chance you get to speak in front of a group of people important.

Organization: Do I really need to flesh this one out?

Management: Menu-planning. Manage your family with thoughtful scheduling. What is the proper amount of commitments for your family during the week? What can you all handle as people and still function with excellence?  Delegate chores. Even the littlests ones are capable of some responsibility.

Interpersonal Relationships: Call your friends. Ask smart, thoughtful questions on play dates. Take advantage of car rides to either call someone or talk to your kids. Pursue your husband.

Efficient Budgeting: Talk with your husband about finances. Know what is coming in and where it is going. Do some research about finances, saving, financial planning. Spend and save your money well.

Event Planning: From birthday parties, to neighborhood dinners, to church functions. Help in these areas.

Presentation: Work on making things look pretty, whether its your dining table centerpiece, your garden or your webpage. Aesthetics are of some importance.

Writing: Blog. Journal. Write letters or emails. Force yourself to use proper grammar (at least occasionally). Read well-written material.

Networking: Follow-up with people you meet. Be intentional in the places you regularly frequent whether with your deli girl, your UPS man, or your child's teacher. Make eye contact and talk to people. Go to mommy groups and talk to people. Ask questions and listen to answers. Offer your skills and services when they are relevant to a need.

This is just a small sample of ideas. Other skills that are transferrable include cooking, musical talent, photography, and gardening.

The point is that your time matters. Clearly being a mom is important and fulfilling, but some people (including me) really need intellectual stimulation. This doesn't mean we need to leave our homes. We simply need to be thoughtful and intentional in them.

So my advice: click, click, click ... with a purpose. And if you find nothing interesting, turn the computer (or phone) off and consider working on developing a transferrable skill.


Lesson Learned: There are a lot of worthy skills that I can be honing during my time at home.

Lesson 78: Lessons from Dancing in the Kitchen

I bet y'all think this post is going to be some sweet parenting tidbit. Something along the lines of, my daughter and I baked cookies while rockin' out to the Tangled soundtrack today. She had a pink ribbon in her hair, and I witnessed a beautiful picture of forgivenss.

No. This is much more self-centered than that.

I love to dance in the kitchen. Not in like the, my husband and I are so cute, one time we sang a song while cooking dinner, and now I'm blogging about it. It's more of a, I turn the music up as loud as I can, most days, put my Ray-bans on (feelin' cool tonight), close my eyes, and forget that anything else is going on in the world outside of Taylor Swift's break-up.

If kids are there, they join in.

If husband is there, he either joins in ... or wishes I would stop, but knows that if he says so I'll sing louder. So, he walks around, looking busy, and occasionally offers me an encouraging smile, hoping that his affirmation will end the party sooner.

In the old house, we listened to Pandora, which allowed for a variety of songs; however, we haven't switched over our internet yet, so for now in the new house, we have resorted to the old trusty ipod.

Oh the ipod. One of our younger seminary classmates commented that he had never seen an ipod as big as ours ... because it is that old!

Our ipod is a walk down memory lane, I'll tell you. It's not on purpose. We turn it on expecting to hear something new, all the while totally forgetting that new songs stopped being uploaded around 2009. We are not runners. (I feel like runners continue to acquire music.)

Anyway, the session usually starts off fun and lighthearted. A lot of jumping is involved, mimicing heartache, and directing intense love ballads towards Mark.

After an hour or so, Mark leaves the kitchen. He is bored and realizes his presence makes no difference one way or the other as far as duration is concerned. When he exits, I lose my main object of affection, and sometimes hit an energy slump. This is when slower, nostalgic tunes begin playing ... taking me back to the beach in Ireland, a train in Switzerland, or a mountain in China.

You see, the reason Mark and I loaded the ipod with music was to enable conversation breaks during much needed quiet times on adventures around the world.

When I hear, Counting Crows, Holiday in Spain, I think about a beach trip we took with 20 friends to Malaga, southern Spain, in 2005.

When I hear Bebo Norman, I Will Lift My Eyes, I think of Tiger Leaping Gorge on the western side of China, where I hiked one of the most beautiful places in this world!

When I hear, Joy to the World by Bebo Norman, not always, but sometimes I think about walking the streets of Lugano, pregnant with Samara, not fully comprehending that there is a child in my womb, but super emotional and excited about motherhood at the same time.

Transition. 

Since we've moved, I have been much more stressed about decorating our home then ever before. As I mentioned, the house is beautiful on its own, and I wonder if part of my anxiety (if you can call it that) is this idea that I need to do the house justice.

However, tonight, after a very characteristic dance party in the kitchen while Mark made 40 hamburgers for our youth group's summer kick-off dinner, I had a deeper thought connecting the old ipod and the disappointment (?) of this new house.

Mark finally has a paying job, which means I finally have some money to put towards our house. After four years of scouring magazines and websites, I knew exactly what I wanted to purchase and from where. As beautiful items have appeared on my doorstep, the contentment of finally getting the house I've always wanted has remained far off.

I haven't been able to decide if it's because I still need more (the italics here indicate the ridiculousness of this statement), or if it's because something deeper is going on.

Tonight ... with the dancing ... and the ipod full of nostalgic songs, I had a thought. I was listening to all these songs that remind me of traveling, and like they always do, they ignited this little spark in my heart that loves to travel, move, experience, and see. It's this part of me that relishes the freedom of living out of a backpack and not quite knowing where the day's adventure will lead.

It's this part of me that I gave up when I became a mom.

Now, I know that in the blogging world, mom's are not supposed to admit that life was in fact more fun before kids. We are supposed to be thoroughly tickled by the tender moments, the sweet touches, the funny sayings, and the peace of knowing we are spending our time in the most important way possible.

And all of that is true. Being a mom is tender, sweet, funny, fulfilling ... and fun.

But let's be honest, it is not the same kind of fun. 

I never cared about my house until I became a mom. In fact, my newfound obsession with all things decorating has continually stumped my husband over these past four years.

Tonight, with these songs in my mind, it all became frighteningly clear. I wonder ...

Because I feel like I no longer go anywhere, do I try to decorate my home in such a way that demonstrates that I've been somewhere? 

Is my home a showpiece that is meant to say, "No really! I've done things with my life ... things that do not involve diapers and sippy cups. I have seen the world. I am really interesting."

Along slightly different lines, do I put such thought into creating our home in order to give myself the feeling that when I am home, I am somewhere!

I wonder?

Y'all if this is true and not some crazy post-dance frenzy, a whole host of idols and misguided notions have been exposed in my heart. Blahhh, yuck, how terrible!

My guess is that this is part of the thought process. (The other part could simply be that I like pretty, functional, interesting spaces.)

A while back, I wrote a post about contentment. When I reread that post, I still believe that everything I said is true. Yet even while it is true, some of what I wrote today is true as well.

When you become a parent, you actually do give up a lot. There is no arguing that you gain a ton, but it is untrue to act as if what you gain merely replaces what you sacrifice. A loss is involved.

My conclusion for now and my hope for my heart is the reality that sanctification is a process. As the Lord makes us more like his son, he cracks away at our selfishness, pride, self-centeredness, desire to please ourselves, and all the rest of our nasty recurring sins ... and he changes us, fashions us, and molds us, into a beautiful, new, God-honoring person. Clearly, he still has work to do in my heart.

It is frustrating ... you know, to not be perfect already. But there is grace, and there is a gracious one.

And his plan is perfect.

And because of what his son accomplished on the cross, he rejoices over me with singing and dancing, on my good days and my bad days.

And that is a wonderful thing.

Lesson Learned: The Lord is long-suffering. He loves us perfectly throughout the various seasons of life. His love endures forever.

Lesson 74: What I Learned In Seminary

A couple weeks ago a friend and I were excitedly talking about graduation, reflecting a bit on what we had finished, and considering what we were taking away from the whole seminary sha-bang. He, being the awesome future-campus-minister that he is, gave the thoroughly sanctified seminary answer which is to say, "I learned just how much I don't know."

I promptly replied, "Booooo!" (As you can see, I am not as sanctified as said friend.)

Y'all, let's hope that after 3 1/2 years, I learned slightly more than the fact that I don't know everything. In order to prove to myself and my friend just how much I've learned, I decided to compile a list for you.

This my friends is a free crash course in seminary!

- I learned that just one class can lead to four classes, which leads to five more, which eventually leads to a degree.
- I learned that as simple as that first sentence sounds, there is still a whole lot of work involved. 
- I learned about eschatalogy, that we are living in the "last days", that we are currently in the "already, but not yet" and that this place in history explains a lot.
- I learned that Genesis 3:15 is the first gospel, the proto-euangelion, and that right from the beginning, the Lord had a plan to redeem his people.
- I learned covenant theology, progressive revelation, and the depth of the revelation and fulfillment that came in Christ.
- I learned that a baby can nap in all sorts of places (ex. the bookstore supply room).
- I learned how to love women, how to be a friend, how to have gospel-centered conversations, and how to carry people's burdens.
- I learned presuppositional apologetics, the transcendental argument.- Thank you, Dr. Anderson. Please ignore the next sentence.
- I learned way too much about non-Christian philosophers, and more importantly, I learned how grateful I am for the faithful men who have stood for truth over the years.
- I learned the cheesiest evangelistic line ever. (On an elevator say, "Are you going up? I mean the whole way up?")
- I learned time management. 
- I learned that Jonathan Edwards took time out of every day to spend with his wife.
- I learned to trust my husband. Similarly, I learned to trust my husband's call.
- I learned about the early church martyrs and was amazed by their demonstrations of faith. 
- I learned to exposit Scripture and teach the Bible in a much more systematic way.
- I learned about the holiness of God. - Thank you, Dr. Kelly.
- I learned to be a parent. (I'm still learning this.)
- I learned Greek. - Thank you, Dr. Cara.
- I learned that Cyril and Methodius created a very important language.
- I learned about Martin Luther's "Here I Stand" speech. 
- I learned to think, like really make my brain strain and hurt, think. - Thank you, Dr. Anderson again.
- I learned how to have fun in the kitchen with girls, preparing for an event. - Thank you, Tari!
- I learned about typology. Seriously, WHO KNEW?!?!
- I learned the categories of prophet, priest, and king.
- I learned at least 9 questions and answers of the Westminster Shorter Catechism ... and then promptly forgot them.
- I learned that such a thing as grade idolatry exists. It is not pretty. - Thank you, Steven Chitty (not for suffering from it, but for exposing it.)
- I learned grace and forgiveness.
- I learned about Biblical Counseling ... and that it is amazing!
- I learned what it felt like to study for an exam in which I actually cared about the content. 
- I learned that the Proverbs 31 woman is an ideal, not an actual person. Phew!
- I learned about the Great Awakening, Wesley and Whitefield, and how even Benjamin Franklin was impressed by these guys. 
- I learned to appreciate the humor of Hebrew prose, especially in Judges.
- I learned that commentaries exist ... and that they are helpful.
- I learned about the recapitulation of Revelation, and my mind was blown. - Thank you, Dr. Kruger.
- I learned to cry more. - Thank you, Holley Gregory.
- I learned that there is much more to the Puritans than Hester Prynne and "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God."
- I learned how important genre is in interpreting Scripture.
- I learned the power of consistent prayer before the Lord, especially in the darkest of circumstances. - Thank you, Lindsay Franks. 
- I learned about Adoniram Judson, the first American missionary. 
- I learned about the Church, the body of Christ, and how dearly the Lord regards her.
- I learned more fully the heart of the 10 commandments.
- I learned that all those dry bones passages with Joseph and Ezekiel are connected and important.
- I learned about gnosticism, pelagianism, arianism, modalism, adoptionism, and liberalism ... and that they are no good.
- I learned that worship should be both transcendent and immanent. 
- I learned to sit under the preaching of newbies ... and have my heart changed.
- I learned how to be married and how to make friends as a married couple. 
- I learned to mourn with a community of Christians, as one of our own lost a sweet baby to the Lord.
- I learned a ton of beautiful hymns.
- I learned about controversies in my denomination: genre of Gen 1-2, federal vision, Sonship, and I hopefully learned how to winsomely engage with brothers and sisters who come down differently than I. 
- I learned the gospel ... again and again and again.
- Y'all, I learned about the Lord, and as I learned about Him, I grew to love Him more. I became more steadfast in my convictions, more joyful in my faith, and more hopeful for our future.

This really is just a snapshot. I could go on and on. What a wonderful, enriching time this has been! I am so grateful!

The Lord is so good!

Lesson Learned: Even if this list was exhaustive concerning my knowledge attained, I am still humbled by just how much I still don't know. Maybe we were both right?

Lesson 59: 2013 Goals

Disclaimer: I just finished reading three friends' (moms') blogs, all regarding their New Year goals ... all written nine days late. I feel as though I am posting right on time.

My sister-in-law gave me a book over Christmas entitled, FIVE. Subtitle: Where will you be five years from today? The cover has a giant number 5 on it, and it's full of inspirational quotes and penetrating questions concerning the future. It gives guidance towards accomplishing goals and relates personal success stories. I'll copy just one part as it is concerns my alma mater.

"According to Dave Kohl, professor emeritus at Virginia Tech, people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetimes as the people who don't, and yet 80% of Americans say they don't have goals. Sixteen percent do have goals, but they don't write them down. Less than four percent write down their goals, and fewer than one percent actually review them on an ongoing basis. Guess which one percent?"

Did you catch that? The most successful people in the world write down their goals and regularly review them! Good work blogging moms who are my friends mentioned in my disclaimer. You will one day rule the world. (Or at least achieve more that you desire over the course of your life than the rest of population).

Lesson 57: Grown-Ups Go to the Dentist

$200.

The cost of one regular dentist appointment.

Growing up, we learned from our parents, our teachers, and the Berenstain Bears that we should go to the dentist twice a year, brush twice a day and floss once a day.

As obliging students, we happily went along to the bi-yearly appointments that someone else set up for us, lied about our flossing habits, and freed our orthodonisized pearly whites of lingering plaque.

Our teeth were sparkling. A+ for dental care!

Then ... came ... graduation.

With graduation came different freedom. Freedom from school. Freedom to explore the world. Freedom from our parent's dental plans.

Suddenly, the $200 was coming out of our own pockets.

$200 buys a plane ticket to a friend's bachelorette party. Sorry dentist, I'll have to miss you this one time.

$200 covers the cost of the aforementioned friend's bridesmaid's gown. Sorry dentist, turns out I won't be seeing you at all this year.

$200 secures a moving truck for a first big post-college move. Sorry dentist, but I'm in a different state now.

$200 pays for my totally unwarranted speeding ticket through Winchester, VA on the way home for Thanksgiving. Sorry dentist, I'm basically broke, and well, dental student clinics are kind of creepy. I value my teeth too much to trust them in my mouth. 

$200 purchases Christmas presents for the whole family this year. Sorry dentist, but I just care so much more for my family than for myself.

$200 is enough to bring home that on-sale Pottery Barn rug that I've been obsessed with for months now. Sorry dentist, but I really love this rug. Paying for teeth is boring. Paying for rugs is fun.

$200 is 10 family dinners at our favorite pizza restaurant. Sorry dentist, but we need to invest this time in our kids and our marriage. Do you want us to become a statistic? Also, let's be honest. I've survived this long without you. What's six more months?

You get the picture. Seven years of dental distance pass ... 

$200? Oh ha, that's the cost of the consultation where the dentist tells me that I have to have a root canal.

$1300. That's the cost of the root canal without the crown.

$1000. That's the cost of the crown. Well, it's the anticipated cost if my gum bone isn't too low requiring further mouth bone surgery. In which case, who knows?

x2. This is the math that one should do once they add up the above three numbers and multiply it by two, just in case a person without dental insurance actually requires two root canals.

Why, you may ask, am I sharing such personal financial information on my blog? Because I don't want you to make the same mistake!

Go to the dentist.

Brush your teeth.

Floss.

(Acquiring dental insurance isn't a bad idea either, though it usually won't cover everything).


Lesson Learned: Mother, Teacher, and Sister Bear were right all along!

Lesson 47: My Political Rhetoric

Aren't politics fun?

In tenth grade, with two years of experience as Class Historian, I ran for a third term. For whatever reason, my fear of public speaking kicked in at this point, and my speech went something like this ...

"Hi. I'm Katherine. I don't like to give speeches, but I've been your Class Historian for the past two years. Please vote for me again. Thanks."

I didn't hang a single campaign sign.

I won.

Why?

Lesson 45: Spinning, Laughing, Dancing

There was a season in life when Norah Jone's Come Away with Me played on repeat in my cd player. How could it not? Her smooth voice and powerful lyrics set the perfect scene for a senior in college.

Did I just date myself?

My favorite song on the album was "Seven Years."

The second I heard it I felt instantly as though it was describing me.

"Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone
Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along
Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound
Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own
Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound
Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
She's a little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone"

I have always loved to spin and twirl. From the time I was young, standing on my dad's feet ... right up to the present. Mark will hold out his finger and spin and spin and spin me around. Yes, I love to spin.

Thus, when I heard this Norah Jones song, I listened to it and imagined my most innocent self joyfully and abundantly spinning and enjoying life!

I got pregnant when I was 25, and you may or may not know this ... but my pregnancy was horrific.

Lesson 44: Purposeful Paranoia. Legitimate Letting go.

When Samara was one, we walked her down to a nearby neighborhood to sit in a yard and watch fireworks. These fireworks were being set off in the street in front of us.

Cultural Reality:
In the south, this is: Commonplace. Expected. The norm.
In the north, this is: Crazy. Outrageous. Illegal.

Up north, our 4th of July fun consists of sparklers and tanks. We watch the big stuff shoot off in the sky while parked in our cars!

In the south, any old Jim with some cash in his pocket can put on the festivities for his neighbors. And man do these Jim's love to do it.

Welcome to the South, northern girl!

Lesson 39: Girls ... This is the Most Important Post You'll Ever Read (Van Vlake Series)

Was it the title that made you click on the link?

I hope so, because what it says is true. This is really important.

If you've been reading for a while (or if you simply read the subtitle to the blog), you should know by now that I am "on a journey from grown-up adolescence into full-fledged adulthood." If you are wondering what that means, read here.

If you are on a similar journey, I sincerely have some of the most important advice you'll ever hear. (I understand this is debatable).

Find a friend, who is a woman, who is TEN years older than you!

Lesson 36: The First Day of School (Back to School Series)

Today marks the beginning of the end.

Lord willing, just nine short months from now, Mark and I both will cross the stage at Christ Covenant Church to receive our seminary degrees. I get chills just thinking about it. Sometimes I cry. The Lord has been good to bring us this far.

I've always loved the first day of school. In elementary school, I would lie awake all night, wondering who else would be in my class, if my teacher would be nice and how I was going to fare with the year's difficult task of say, learning cursive.

I would envision my outfit over and over. A “cool” girl, who was one grade older, lived across the street. Whatever she had worn the year before on the first day of school, I would wear the next year. I distinctly remember a floral silk blouse and matching shorts with white Keds one year.

Lesson 23: A Princess Party, Oh My!

Once upon a time ... in the mountains of Virginia, a blonde-haired boy and a blue-eyed girl fell in love. Eventually, this love turned into marriage, and well, you can guess what happened next.

It is appropriate to begin this post with the traditional fairy tale formula, because you see, it is a story that demonstrates how even the doubtiest of doubters can be won over by everyone's favorite fairy tale character, the princess.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When we received news that it was a baby "girl" in my belly just over three years ago, I promptly informed my husband Mark that I intended for us to raise just that, a girl.

Our goal was that this little girl would one day grow up to be nothing other than a woman. Clearly, girls and women take on a variety of roles these days, so by this, I simply mean a woman, who is kind, loving, generous, caring, and so on. Most importantly, a woman who is humble.

What this information was meant to impart was that my goal was to raise a girl, not a diva, a rock star, a brat (as in the Bratz brand), or ... a princess.

I took all the usual precautions. Samara got a yellow, teal, and white nursery, not pink or purple. She wore button-up onesies most of her first year, not the beautiful, intricately smocked hand-me-downs my mother passed on to me. Most importantly, I adamantly refused to refer to her as a princess, whether she was one week old or 2 and half years.

Thus, you can understand my amazement when 6 months ago, Samara said matter-of-factly, "Mama, I'm a princess."

Lesson 21: Thoughts on Aurora

I've wanted to write a blog post on what happened in Aurora, Colorado since it happened, but I haven't been able to figure out what I want to say.

It amazes me how instantaneously people are able to articulate thoughts and emotions concerning a particular situation and how quickly they are to publish their conclusions for the world to read via Twitter or Facebook. Within hours of the shooting, I read opinions on everything from handgun legislation to government conspiracy theories to the way mass media affected the dissemination of information in the aftermath.

I confess, I was not able to adequately pen (type) my own thoughts in that amount of time. I don't know if I am able to now.

I've concluded that my main problem with writing on this is that normally, I like to have neat posts. The intro kind of cutely leads into the body, where I examine some topic, and then I nicely wrap it up with a cute reference to the beginning.

Ya'll, I do not have a cute ending planned for this post.

I'm mostly just sad.

This shooting has resonated with me in perhaps the oddest way that any shooting has in recent history. My sadness in response to it has caught me off guard a bit.

When Columbine happened, I was in ninth grade. I was in high school. I understood. My brother and I formulated escape plans in our own building on the way to school in the morning in case a copy-cat situation occurred. I felt very connected to that situation.

When Virginia Tech happened, well, there are still no words. I started writing a blog post on the anniversary of this shooting a few months ago, and still am unable to finish it. I am a Hokie, through and through. I love my school and at the time, I still had many friends on campus. It was scary and it was heartbreaking. I went straight home from work, put on sweatpants, sat on my couch, and cried for days. It made sense that I was affected. Virginia Tech was my home.

But this is different.

This shooting feels so generic. By this I mean, it's not a specific school with its own set of bullying or social issues. It's not a person out to seek revenge on a place that has wronged him in the past.

This is a movie theater. A plain, old, run-of-the-mill place where sweethearts go on dates to hold hands in the dark and parents take their kids to be transported to a place of fantasy. This movie theater is anywhere.

This attack obviously should not feel quite as personal as the others. It's not my age group and it's not my school.

And yet, in some ways, it feels totally and completely more personal than any of the others. What I mean is that due to the nature of the randomness of the attack, it literally could have been anyone in that movie theater. It could have been my brother, or my cousin, or my brother's best friend, or all three of them together. It could have been my husband with our entire youth group. In 13 years, it could have been my daughter.

I don't like this. I don't like any of this.

This truly is a time and a circumstance, where I have to rest entirely on the sovereignty of God.

I apologize for the Christian jargon. By this I mean, in trying to wrestle through these issues and the ensuing difficult questions, I have no other option but to allow myself to be comforted, to find peace, to sort this out, in the truth that the God I believe in is a good, loving God, that he has full control of all circumstances, and that therefore, he works all these circumstances out for his own good.

I think there are things that we will experience in life, both on a personal level and on a societal level, that we will never be able to fully explain or understand. I think there are things that we will never have a clue about.

And yet, the Lord knows. And he is good. And he is loving. And that has to be enough.

This is the tension of living the Christian life. Its the conflict between the human desire to want to know, name, categorize, and ultimately fix every situation ... and the deeper understanding that oftentimes things are out of our hands.

It's continuing this train of thought to again recognize that it is better for crazy situations to be in the hands of a good, loving God, rather than in our own.

It is again remembering who God is, and who we are in comparison. And it is again, finding security in these roles.

God's sovereignty does not always answer our questions exactly as we would have them answered, and yet, if God is good, and loving, and in control, then not having perfect answers to every question has to be okay as well. 

Lesson Learned: Even this seems a bit simplistic, but it's the best I have.

Lesson 20: Great Expectations ... and Amusement Parks

I began watching the movie Great Expectations, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Ethan Hawke, at a sleepover in eighth grade. I have foggy visions from the movie of beautiful scenery, lush greenery, an old romantic house, dewy glass, musty, luxurious upholstery, and mysterious characters. These images of a sweet, fantasy world are engraved in my mind,

I have no idea if this description of Great Expectations is accurate. The sleepover was so long ago. Also, unfortunately, we turned it on in the morning, and I had to leave before the movie was over. The pictures in my mind are so pleasant that I have never sought out to watch the end. I am fearful that at this point, my expectations are too great.

Yesterday, I took my 3-year old to an amusement park, Hershey Park.

Growing up twenty minutes from Hershey, Pennsylvania aka "The Sweetest Place on Earth" means that I have made innumerable visits to its renowned amusement park in my day.

If you know nothing about Hershey Park, I'll give you a brief history. It is located right next to the historical chocolate factory founded by the enterprising Milton Hershey. It is home of the first roller coaster with a loop in America ... the Super Duper Looper. This blue thrill ride is now one of eleven incredibly fun roller coasters.

In the old days (think teenage years and a pre-baby stomach), roller coasters were the only reason for going to an amusement park. The day was only successful if every decent ride got ridden at least once, and the best ride (the newest) was conquered at least twice.

Occasionally, with meticulous planning and an endurance that could last 10 hours, these park expectations were met and the day was declared great! However, other days were spent amid mass amounts of "tourists" in scorching heat with long, insufferable lines.

You all know what I'm talking about.

As a season ticket holder to Hershey Park for three years, I have had my fair share of great park days. Some of my best memories of home are wrapped up in this park. Thus, you can understand my desire for my daughter to love the park as much as I do. This is fertile soil for great expectations to grow in!

Yet, miraculously, becoming a parent has totally changed my amusement park expectations.

A quick example of this. When I was eighteen, my dad, brother Jordan, and I journeyed to Upper Sandusky, Ohio for a "college visit to Ohio State" and a day at Cedar Point. We arrived at the park as the sun was rising, waited outside for the gates to open and then sprinted with the other early birds to the Millennium Force to experience one of the most exhilarating rides of my life.

Yesterday, we casually strolled in, admired the sweet faux German shops, and snapped Samara's picture next to the sign that indicated that she was a "Hershey Kiss Rider."

My one goal for the day was getting Samara to take her first carousel ride ... and we succeeded. Though she refused to actually sit on a horse, I happily endured her clenched fingers around my neck inside a carriage. Everything after this was a bonus!

This everything included a trip through Zoo America with Uncle Tyler, a spin in the Lady Bug Cups (in which we actually got a smile), playful splashing and swimming in the Wave Pool, and yummy soft serve ice cream with rainbow jimmies. The day concluded with a tour of Chocolate World's simulation of making a chocolate bar.

(Chocolate World only got put on the agenda, because we killed our electric key in the wave pool and daddy was trying to figure out how to best tow our car. Thankfully, we were so Hershey Park Happy that even this killed key couldn't kill our joy.)

Who knew amusement parks had so many options for fun other than roller coasters?

There was no pressure, no agenda, no set of prefabricated expectations. And you know what? The day was great.

Side Note: Samara did take a thirty minute nap. During this time, she hung with Pop and I took a turn on the Sidewinder and Fahrenheit, an oldie and a newbie in Hershey Park's roller coaster repertoire. I did have high expectations for these. Rest assured, these are still great!


Lesson Learned: In fun, yet potentially stressful situations, lower expectations can often make for a more successful day!

Lesson 15: A Lesson from My Dad

How stereotypical to write a post about my dad on Father's Day. But, you must understand, my dad has never been much of a presents guy. In fact, the happiest I remember him ever being from a gift was when my brother and I purchased him a plain, white mug for Christmas. Total cost: $2. Great price, great purpose, great present.

However, my dad likes my blog. He may be my biggest fan. Whenever we talk on the phone he brings up my latest post and tells me what he thought about it and what comments he would have posted if he could figure out how to do so.

Thus, I figure a blog post devoted to my dad would be a great gift for a man who has never needed anything as long as I've known him. (After all, with three sons, he has a steady supply of hand-me-down sneakers, and who needs more than one sweater anyway).

 Logistically, the sheer amount of time a child spends with her parents equals a massive amount of content as far as life lessons are concerned. Thus, today, I will focus on just one genre of lessons learned, Fatherly Lessons in Humor.

Ya'll, humor is important! Though I've known many funny people in my life, during these past three years of being a parent, I have discovered that the majority of my humor comes from my dad.

The realization hit me suddenly one day when I was lying around dreaming of future deals I'll make with my daughter. I'll say something along the lines of, "Hey Samara, I'll trade you 10 pennies for 3 dimes. It's a good deal. You'll be getting more, because 10 is more than 3." I found myself laughing out loud at how irritated this interaction will make her ... and I thought of my dad.

This led to a series of memories. A generic one includes an image of his face with his thumb in his mouth, blowing up his cheeks and his eyes bulging out of his head. Still makes me laugh.

A more specific one is from the week of my wedding. He and I were practicing for our big moment , the one where we head down the aisle for him to give me away. With every three steps forward, he'd grab my arm and launch us three hops back in true Three Stooges fashion. It was hilarious. I'm pretty sure my younger brothers sat nearby watching laughing like this.

In order to take a memory and turn it into a full-blown lesson, one must reflect a bit and so I started to. What did Larry, Curly, Moe, Bill Cosby, and my dad all have in common? They are able to make people laugh, but they do so at their own expense. 

In all my years of laughing at my dad, I can never remember him making fun of other people, being rude, swearing, or telling inappropriate jokes. His humor was hilarious, but totally G-rated. This is awesome! This is exactly the type of funny I want to be with my kids.

Kids, and people in general, do not like to be laughed at. They do not like to be made fun of. It's absolutely genius to be a person who directs all the blows at yourself. Are you really going to offend yourself?

This kind of humor also requires more creativity. Anyone can swear a lot or tell dirty jokes, but to be clean and make someone laugh involves clever word plays, puns, a lighthearted view of a situation and so on. It means being able to see humor in the simplest, most mundane situations.

It's the kind of funny that makes a huge traffic jam a joy or a long line at an amusement park a memory. It's the kind of funny that can be repeated in front of any audience, old, young, holy, or otherwise.

I did not realize it growing up, but understanding this type of humor is most certainly a gift! It is the type of thing that enables a person to break the tension in almost any awkward situation. It is something that makes your kids like you (even respect you) during those teenage years when they really want to hate you. It is a kind of funny that brings smiles years later.

Thus, I want to thank my dad today for teaching me the art of laughter. It is something that runs through the memories of my childhood, and something that will continue to bring joy in my own family as I teach my children to laugh at his same old jokes. Because they are still funny.

Lesson Learned: If someone sticks out their hand and says, "hit my fist," beware. You're probably going to get bonked on the head!

Lesson 14: A Weekend with Teenagers

There is nothing quite like a weekend with six crazy teenage girls to remind myself just how young I am and how old I've become. Last week, my two friends and I led a retreat for our youth group girls to the beautiful Appalachian Mountains in Boone, North Carolina.

I've been leading youth trips since I was 18, if you count the three summers as a camp counselor, which I do. Many of those campers are grown and married now, which is weird! My first set of youth group kids are in the engaged stage of life, also weird! My second set of youth clubbers (this is the Irish batch), are all caught up in the university (college here in the states).

I've lost track of the number of sugar-filled late-nights I've spent fighting over spoons and laughing hysterically.

Though the snacks and the games remain the same, the kids have changed over the last ten years, and so have I. This past weekend was a reminder of how much so!

Signs I've Still Got It: I'm Young

1. I can still start and sustain an entire dance party.
2. I can still eat as many brownies as anyone else ... and a whole bag of licorice nibs as well.
3. I know enough of the Top 40 Hits to rock out with everyone in the car on the way up. (Though I don't know that I want to admit this.)

Signs I'm Out of It: Getting Old

1. Though I own a Vera Bradley weekend bag (like the rest of the girls), I decided my L.L. Bean boat bag was a more practical choice.
2. I wanted to sleep in my own room.
3. I was (perhaps overly) fascinated by the fixtures and bead board in the bathroom and the incredible butcher block in the kitchen.
4. I thought that Freddie Krueger was a nightmare from Elm Street, not a comedian like they informed me he is.
5. When an episode of Friends came on (without sound), I was able to tell the girls the entire plot-line of the episode. (It was the one with Phoebe's grandma's cookie recipe). They didn't know who Phoebe was.
6. During a game of Catchphrase, I was the only one in the room who knew that Bob Barker was the original host of the Price Is Right, other than Shelly, and she's older than me.
7. I brought my four month old son. I have a son. Enough said.
8. I left my daughter at home. I have two kids.

Despite the fact that the age gap continues to grow between myself and the girls in our youth group, I can say with earnestness, that regardless of age, our little group was able to find common ground in the Scriptures.

We studied the book of Proverbs over the course of the weekend, and it truly was awesome to see the girls get excited about understanding the Word of God and growing in their wisdom and knowledge of it.

I kind of feel like I'm writing this blog as an ongoing study of Proverbs. Proverbs are all about assessing life situations, attaining wisdom, and learning from mistakes. They are about growing up and making choices. They are about seeking to live a life that is full of wisdom rather than folly, righteousness rather than wickedness, productivity rather than laziness, and peace rather than strife. Ultimately, they are about living a life that brings glory to God!

Though I won't go into this further now, I hope to continually reference Proverbs throughout this blog. How can I possibly hope to "get a clue" apart from the guidance and direction contained in the Bible?

I'll end with two Proverbs related to age.

Proverbs 20:29: "The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old."

Proverbs 16:31: "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life."

Sunday morning after the retreat, I spotted a white sucker in my head and pulled it out. Does this just prove I've been spending too much time with teenagers ... or am I on my way?

Lesson Learned: Even if generations of teenagers change, the truth of the Word of God remains the same.

Lesson 13: Public Speaking

Poised.     Confident.     Engaging.     Relatable.     Characteristics public speakers dream of embodying.

The art of conveying meaningful information to an often distracted audience is a feat worthy of consideration. Mastery of public speaking skills, equally necessary in both the business sector and a PTA meeting, is something that comes easily to some and painfully to others. In the course of my life, I have consistently fallen into the second category.

It hasn’t been from a lack of trying. Through an onslaught of genuine tears, I convinced my 3^rdgrade teacher that I deserved the title role of Christopher Columbus in our class play. (It consisted of snippets from his life. 4 out of the 5 Christophers were girls). I still remember my lines, “Please Prince John, I beg you to listen. I have studied the ancient maps … I know I can find a route to the Indies by sailing west.” Though the part pleased me, I didn’t get the one with the solo. The girl who received that honor now travels with a Broadway musical.

I again faced the microphone, delivering a sincere address, to my democratically minded seventh-grade peers, convincing them they should elect me as their class historian, a role I held for three years. A role I loved. I relished taking pictures, clipping newspaper articles, and recording the events of my class. Yet, as junior year elections approached, I realized I had to resign.

You see, somewhere between the ages of 8 and 15, I had lost the confidence it takes to stand in front of people and tell them something. The class historian is responsible for giving a long history of the class at graduation in front of 5,000 people, a task that frankly terrified me.

I googled thoughts on public speaking for this post and came across this quote from Jerry Seinfeld. "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." At this stage in my life, I might have agreed.

It continued to go downhill from there. In college it hit rock bottom when I received a C+ in public speaking. We had to videotape ourselves in hopes of improving, and all I remember was a lot of “ums” and a furiously rotating ankle. 

Fast forward a few years and I am in the throes of support-raising for a mission to Ireland. Suddenly, I find myself in front of groups of people, trying to explain to them the love of Christ and the need to share His gospel abroad.

Ya’ll, religion is a tricky subject to broach with an audience! There are so many touchy points and taboos making proper articulation absolutely essential, lest you find yourself splattered with rotten tomatoes.  And yet, the message of the gospel, in my opinion, is so irresistible and so important, that not speaking is simply not an option. 

It's as Jeremiah 20:9 says, "But if I say, "I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in. Indeed, I cannot."

Thus, since pursing a life of ministry (as a career), the opportunities and necessities of public speaking have progressively increased. In fact, one of my dreams is that someday I'll have sweet wisdom to share and people to share it with in a speaking capacity. Thus, it is necessary to recognize that though presentation is not the most important thing ... it is certainly important. 

I truly believe people can improve their public speaking abilities. Here are a few helpful tips:

1.       Care about your subject matter. It has been said, “Grasp the subject, and the words will follow.” It is easy and natural to talk on things we love. Think about that slightly irritating friend who now has grandchildren for the first time. Does anyone really care about every single mumble jumble sound that comes out of the baby’s mouth? No. And yet, this proud papa has no trouble delivering his content with ease. In the same way, speaking about things you care about will enliven your innate emotions, joy, sorrow, frustration, excitement. 

2.       Know what it is you want to say. Mark and I both are still at the stage where we work way better with a manuscript. This means sitting down and physically writing out every word you intend to say. Even if you don’t end up using the manuscript, having all the ideas out there in a concrete form, ensures that you stay focused. 

3.       Practice. Work on it yourself, and then find an audience of one, who you feel comfortable working out all the blunders with. Repeat as many times as necessary.

4.       Welcome criticism. As with so many things, growth requires pruning. The only way to get better is to seriously consider truthful feedback. Ask for it beforehand, and you are much more likely to experience success.

5.       Work on troubling sections. Growing up I had a speech impediment. “Pleasth pasth the pascetti.” (Please pass the spaghetti). I still stumble over multiple R’s in a row. Many of us have these troubled spots that oftentimes cannot be avoided. Recognize your problems and put extra effort into successfully articulating them.

6.       Go slow. Forcing yourself to slow down your words, forces your audience to focus on what you are saying. If they don’t hear your words, they cannot consider whether they matter.

7.       Keep at it. It is impossible to improve overnight. Yet, I do believe that possessing public speaking skills separates the men from the boys, as they say. Thus, if you happen to ask the Lord to “breast the meal” at your best friend’s wedding, do not let that keep you from offering the blessing two weeks later at another’s. You get right back up on that mike and mispronounce her niece’s name. (All true stories).

This past weekend, a third friend trusted me, and I had the honor of reading Scripture in her wedding. Amazingly, the most difficult part of the whole task was the walk up to the podium twice (and thankfully, wedges totally eased that difficulty). I think I did ok, no crazy foot movements and no awkward mentions of body parts. 

Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People said, "There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave." I encourage you all ... learn from your mistakes (and the mistakes of others) and press on!

Lesson Learned: There is hope for me. If there is hope for me, there is hope for us all. 

Lesson 9: New Hobbies

They say you can’t teach an old dog, new tricks. I don’t know whether or not this is true, having never owned a dog myself. Usually I hear this proverbial phrase used to encourage wives to accept the shortcomings of their husbands, or as advice to young girls not to marry men with unforgivable flaws.

A doctor friend of my dad’s, Keith, tells a story of coming into the waiting room and meeting a couple who had been married like 60 years. He sat down and asked the couple how they had made their marriage last so long. The man replied, “I thought about trading her in for another a time or two, but realized I would just be getting a whole new set of problems.” It’s so insightful. No one comes without baggage or imperfections. Everyone has their irritating habits. You don’t escape irritating habits by finding a new relationship; you simply get a different type.

I’d like to back up to the original truism, perhaps approach it from a less metaphorical position and bring it down to a more fun level. When making a list of possible dog tricks, I came up with shake paws, roll over, and fetch. I’ve also seen one family make a high bar with their arms and they had their dog jump over it. That was pretty cool.Tricks, in my mind, are sort of unnecessary things for a dog. In reality, they are impressive ways for their owners to play with them. Humans have these too. They are called hobbies.

Let’s translate the thought into human terms and put it in the form of a question. Can you teach old humans, new hobbies?

I have to say I think so, but I won’t say it’s easy. It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in anything. I don’t know the amount of time it takes to get to a point with something where you can at least enjoy yourself. I think it helps if you try something that you have at least a base knowledge in.

Last year, my younger brother decided to teach himself the piano. Well, he started by taking lessons, but ended up missing a lesson and getting fired by his teacher. After that it was just the basic skills he had learned with some online tutorials and a whole lot of practice.

It sounds a bit funny for a former college football player, who works selling medical devices in New York City to take up something like the piano. And yet, talking to him now, it makes complete sense. His day is super busy, scrubbing in on long, intense surgeries, living with three roommates (and a dog), in a fast-paced go, go, go environment. He has found a quiet joy and mental peace in sitting and working away at developing his piano skills. Though at first frustrating, the pay-off has been great. Last year on my birthday, he picked out the birthday song. A few weeks ago, he played Free Bird using both hands.

This is a familiar story in my family, as my older brother, also a former college football player, took up the guitar after school. Only teaching himself, seven years later he writes and plays mostly original music. Best of all, he enjoys it.

To say I’m envious is an understatement. At various times in my life I’ve attempted both piano and guitar (and clarinet if I’m going to be honest), but I’ve never had the discipline to push through and reach a stage of proficiency.

I want a hobby. I have school, but it doesn't quite count. At some stage last semester when I was really frustrated with a Greek assignment, I told Mark that I was quitting seminary. It was after all, “his career, but my hobby.” His response was, “we have committed a little too much time and money to this thing if it’s only your hobby. Do your homework.”

I tried decorating for a time, but our current financial situation places barriers on this one. I can design a dream house all I want to, but at some point, it’s all a dream and probably an avenue towards coveting. Though I'm continually on the search for the perfect rug deal, I have slowed down the interest and time spent here.

As mentioned in my herb post, the gardening thing could be fun, but I kill a lot of plants and it turns out I’m allergic to fire ants. Ended up in the ER last bite. Though I religiously carry around my epipen (unlike my cell phone which I lose a lot), this is not a good prerequisite for an outdoor hobby.

So for now, I’m pursuing the writing thing. They say if you are going to be a writer, you should write something every day. I wonder if it’s just a hobby if the goal should be so high. Regardless, I have been finding a joy in writing, processing various ideas and formulating stories. Turns out writing has a lot to do with thinking, and as a mom whose home a fair amount, I have time for that.

Am I actually learning something new? Perhaps, I’m learning the consistency required to do something well. Is it productive? Time will tell.

I post this sort of as an encouragement. Through comments and replies I’m beginning to get a feel for who is actually reading this blog, and all of you are young enough to not be considered old. Thus, if we are still new dogs, then I think it is possible for us to learn new tricks. Today is the first day of the rest of your life (apparently a slogan associated with a drug rehab program, but hey, we’ll go with it.)

Lesson Learned: My brothers are awesome.